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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love Livesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LunaMoth
    Elite Ratio:    5.87 - 25/19/10
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 177
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 642



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove Livesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It is a
    strange thing

    it seems
    to me,
    (and I know
    little)

    that one must
    have another life

    just to love,
    which is

    after all,
    an instinct.


    I have so many loves.

    I have
    so many lives.


    I drift in between them

    like a piece of down.


    Sometimes I die,

    and it
    is cold then,

    but sometimes I am born
    and I see light
    for the very first time


    once more.




    Submitted on 2008-08-01 01:08:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      in each cycle, it seems we become blank slates, here to learn and live and love and to find truth and beauty and every other abstract ideal and virtue. and this is what this piece shows me in its own way... once more, even though one may feel they've already experienced this somehow, in a past life, in a dream, in a vision, a memory-reel coming back to play again.

    synchronicity perhaps, as jung theorised, who knows. or maybe fate or deja-vu or a compulsion to keep searching...

    feathery, wistful, yet strong.
    | Posted on 2008-08-01 00:00:00 | by discombobulated | [ Reply to This ]
      For the very first time

    once more.

    Honestly... wow, your voice is so powerful, and I am just so glad you decided to write for ES. I hope Alia finds you (Storm of Bliss) she would love your work. You should read her stuff, it'll turn your life around.

    "I have so many loves.


    I have

    so many lives."

    I don't think that you need the second "I have" I think you should let the reader make the connection, and leave it as implied.
    "It is a
    strange thing

    (it seems
    to me, and I know
    little)"

    I think "it seems to me" should be out of the parentheses, and "and I know so little" should remain in there, because that seems to be what's kept the secret there.

    "that one must
    have another life

    just to love,
    which is"

    I think you should make it

    "that one must
    have another life,
    to love,

    which is"...

    But this is a lovely piece of work, and honestly, I love your voice. Your spirit is lovely, please keep writing.
    Be well,
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2008-08-01 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]



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