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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: thoughtsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: essence of life
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 33/38/21
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Depressed
    Total Views: 657
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 671



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthoughtsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You lay there crying. An endless stream of tears thoughts raceing till they make no sense.

    You think your not good enough you wonder why everyone is better.

    If the world was created equally then why are you the worst.

    You think theres someone worst off but realize your the worst too come.

    You believe your better then killing yourself but see the true.

    As you write your last words and prepare too die the very last second you wanna live a second chance too change things for yourself you see the truth right?

    Wrong a twisted joke that can't be your life your dead now.




    Submitted on 2008-08-01 03:49:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You lay there crying. An endless stream of tears thoughts raceing till they make no sense. You think your not good enough you wonder why everyone is better. If the world was created equally then why are you the worst. You think theres someone worst off but realize your the worst too come. You believe your better then killing yourself but see the true. As you write your last words and prepare too die the very last second you wanna live a second chance too change things for yourself you see the truth right? Wrong a twisted joke that can't be your life your dead now.

    alright, here's a re write of this...and i'm going to break it up and fix all the mis spellings.
    don't be discouraged...you just need to sit and think about your work after you've written it and edit it before you post.

    here goes.

    Thoughts

    you lay there, crying
    an endless stream of tears,
    thoughts racing til they make no sense.

    you think you're not good enough.
    you wonder why everyone is better.
    if the world was created equal...
    why are you the worst?
    you believe you are better than killing yourself...
    but we know the truth.

    you write your last words
    and prepare to die,
    but how conveniently
    at the last second
    you change your mind
    you want a second chance
    to change yourself,
    a second chance to survive.
    you finally see the truth,
    finally see the light,
    right?
    Wrong.
    it's all a twisted joke.
    because you're dead now.


    the thing that was wrong with this piece was there were a lot of grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, using too instead of to...things of that nature, and it didn't flow too good. the idea of the piece is a little played out, i've read a million poems about killing yourself. but this piece has potential. just spend a little more time on you poems before you post them.

    <3 kryslee.
    | Posted on 2008-08-01 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]


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