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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: placation is for the weary alreadydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: discombobulated
    ASL Info:    26/m/nz
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 81/63/24
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Happy
    Total Views: 1243
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 515



    Description:
       

    i think that smiley avatar just about sums it up.
    eh.
    yeah?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsplacation is for the weary alreadydots
    -------------------------------------------




    you

    speak of balms, of roses,
    of lady fortuna holding

    your cards. you're a
    wishful one, flute in hand,

    an apple

    in the other. i'm not
    the anti-christ, however

    low i may become. i
    shine and grieve and

    joke

    and seize the eternal,
    converse with abstract art.

    paint, splash, a whirl
    of fingers swimming

    for the sun.




    Submitted on 2008-08-01 07:44:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      you

    speak of balms, of roses,
    of lady fortuna holding

    your cards. you're a
    wishful one, flute in hand,

    an apple

    in the other.

    I don't know who "you" is but it's a great character. I have to say that the imagery of what this "you" I find to be very pleasant. "You" is fresh, beautiful, original, and seductive. The color red is suggested twice which means sex obviously when applied to the metaphor of the apple. There is also the referrence to this person being Eve, and this would make a lot of sense, but I am just allowing this character to be more vague, partly because the flow of the piece demands that sense of direct alloofness and partly because I like the reference to lady fortuna better. Though I guess it could be said that they are one and the same. Either way they have certain things in common, and that could mean that the speaker is being defensive towards such a lady because he doesn't trust her to not hurt him, yet he cannot stop himself because that temptation is there.



    i'm not
    the anti-christ, however

    low i may become.


    Again, I get the feeling that he is defending his position to her.
    i
    shine and grieve and

    joke

    and seize the eternal,
    converse with abstract art.

    paint, splash, a whirl
    of fingers swimming

    for the sun.

    So rather than deal with the situation he get's off by using art to express his desire. I'm sorry but that's just hot to me. At least, I can relate to that a lot. It's something to consider. Art is definately a channel of communication. Which is why it can be so powerful, yet abstract. I hope that all these painting metaphors suggest that you paint in your real life.

    A few more things, for some reason theimagery of the sun at the end just really calls to me.
    Oh wait, there is also the suggestion that this lady represents fate or luck or synchronicity of some sort. Which either suggest spirituality in general on what the speaker believes or simply notes that this is part of her suggested persona. That is, she has her deck of cards and I guess it is all a game to her. But you don't know, which is why it takes a defensive, almost apologetic tone, while you accept the situation for whatever it is and do what satiates your desires, art. Great piece. Whethor or not I got it for what it is, it said a lot to me. You know they say that for every world there are as many interpretations for it as there are people in the room in which it was said. And in this piece you captured enough metaphor, enough allusion, enough genuine truth, about human nature and the relationships between desire, pride, and morality. There is the constant conflict which to me creates a very direct theme. I think I am getting too into this. Really, it's interesting and clever and I am just very pleased with the topic and the reaction to the topic that you have portrayed.
    | Posted on 2008-08-10 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      you speak
    and I caress
    each foreign syllable
    blessed, as if ignorance
    had won me a reprieve

    I've learned to love
    fortune, misfortune, miss
    may I be so bold? I'm told
    I should remember something
    so this kiss will deliver me
    from growing old
    | Posted on 2008-08-02 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm not
    the anti-christ, however

    low i may become

    I really like this line, I like the timing. It really gives a kind of kick to the piece. I really like the structure and rhythm of the poem in general but I do feel, however, that once it gets to the word "joke" it sort of looses the flow just a little and becomes a bit too wordy for me, especially in the verse:

    and seize the eternal,
    converse with abstract art.

    Which is beautiful wording but messes with the easy flow of the piece. These words are also beautiful: a whirl of fingers swimming for the sun. I really like that line, a good closing line.

    Over all, I liked it, well done.

    Jess.
    | Posted on 2008-08-01 00:00:00 | by popular_myth | [ Reply to This ]
      an apple in the other
    i am not the anti christ

    nice.
    eve... the scapegoat... the weak woman who made the man lose god...
    apples... apples... fall with me.

    i am weary already
    perhaps placation is the answer ive been looking for...

    this comment says nothing
    i am a wishful one.
    | Posted on 2008-08-01 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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    164194

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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