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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Storm Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Algol46
    ASL Info:    200/m/East of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 1039/1111/530
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 72
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 735



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStorm Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In dreams I’ve sailed above that far Silk Road
    That led to gold and mythical Cathay
    A world were wizened wizard’s words held sway
    Here where the mighty Yangtze River flowed.
    Great dynasties their waxing power showed
    To foreigners in proud and pomp display,
    To caravans from distant Mandalay
    Who lade their camels till their strong knees bowed.

    Yet in those dreams I sometimes sailed through storms
    Through alien cities builded of rattan,
    And all the Earth’s know surface so transforms
    I think I must be in some strange Japan
    Where strange cyclopi live in caves on shores
    And take as wives tall ghostly paramours.






    Submitted on 2008-08-01 16:24:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting.... First of its kind that I have read. You have a spelling errors and such that I'd like to point out... Looks like one of them has been pointed out by Joe... "Builded?" I think you should replace that word with built. And the last verse doesn't quite flow as smoothly as the first. Well anyway! Happy Writings.

    Calenrodiel
    | Posted on 2008-08-02 00:00:00 | by night_angel | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the idea of this, but some of the word choices feel a bit...clunky. I realize you're trying to follow rhythm and rhyme, but maybe you might think about this as a free-verse piece instead. It might flow better that way. Just a thought. Oh, BTW, line 2, think you meant "Cathay", not "Cathy" - she's NOT so mysterious.

    Peace, love and all that other junk,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2008-08-02 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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