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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dead On The Insidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Fallyn Angel
    ASL Info:    19/F/CT
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 44/54/47
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Misc/Depressed
    Total Views: 64
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 777



    Description:
       break up/ suicidal poem


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDead On The Insidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can't breathe.
    Can't see.
    Nothing left in my eternity.


    Can't speak.
    Tears flood my face.
    No one cares to look at a freak.


    Trying to think.
    Can't move an inch.
    Can't even blink.


    Tell me when it's over.
    Tell me I've arrived.
    Tell me why I hover.


    Hover over this place.
    Here to stay.
    In this time and place.


    Never to come back.
    Never to be anything.
    Now that I've kicked the sack.


    I'm gone from my life that was a deshevil.
    I'm gone from here from now on.
    I've gone to dine with the Devil!




    Submitted on 2008-08-02 00:06:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's okay.
    It does do a good job with some imagery, but overall there was something lacking. Perhaps adding a little more depth to it, perhaps the reason for it all, or adding more about the thoughts, etc, would help.
    | Posted on 2008-08-02 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]


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