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A Lover


Author: lori_tab
ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752 /1517 /481
Words: 227
Class/Type: Deep Thought /Longing
Total Views: 1917
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1640



Description:




A Lover



I've identified
and I
I am
in such a hurry to find
a lover

the most important thing
intimacy
I've lost
and found
the most perfect purple rain
and when I scattered around all the
beautiful
spanish turqois skirts
underneath
the scent of jasmine and poppy's and
what is that?
cotton?

underneath the clothes line
there is a little girl playing between each emerald blade of grass
the miniscule differences make tiny cuts that she can't feel
she'll forget that she ever scratched her wrists from tiny irritation
she's just covered in dirt
her satin sunday's best dress is all covered in
innocence
the color of mud and green stains

she lays in the grass
she laughs while her dog licks her face

she does not deny the blue never-ending sky that floats above her head
and will allow her to live forever
because she doesn't even think about never living forever
she thinks about

smells
tastes
desires
simplicity
nature
clouds
merry-go-rounds

she'll want a horse some day
and then she'll forget about that too

and then she'll remember when she dreams about an old barn
and in the dream a horse will be tied to a stable
he'll try to break lose
and she'll try to catch him
and maybe she'll catch him





Submitted on 2008-08-02 04:09:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Just saw this in my favorites and read it again

More beautiful than before.

The flow and imagery is perfection.

My comments suck, I've been away too long
| Posted on 2009-12-09 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  she'll want a horse some day
and then she'll forget about that too

and then she'll remember when she dreams about an old barn
and in the dream a horse will be tied to a stable
he'll try to break lose
and she'll try to catch him
and maybe she'll catch him


It ends perfect. Like floating, quiet beneath a wave... the way waves move.

This looking forward-looking backward moment is a frustrating one. Both are touchable, close. But at the same time--fleeting, distant.



(you already got the whole symbolic deconstruction down yonder, so i have little to say to you beyond:
i like it.)

Aah... writing poems to yourself... so easy, right? Haha... far too many times... Ugh.


the most important thing
intimacy
I've lost
and found
the most perfect purple rain
and when I scattered around all the
beautiful
spanish turqois skirts
underneath
the scent of jasmine and poppy's and
what is that?
cotton?


These lines are nice--cool breezes. "and what is that? cotton?" Playful. Nice contrast to the next strophe, with satin Sunday's best. Younger, your outsides were pristine (innocent though i'm bitter towards the term atm), and if you wished for the future, you wished for simplicity--riding free. Older, now, soon--next week, in a decade--you are relaxed, well-worn. Comfortable outsides (the hope, anyway), but there's a seriousness inside. The future.

Hmmm...

...all covered in
innocence
the color of mud and green stains


Yep.

Pretty.




(turquoise*
poppies*)
| Posted on 2008-09-14 00:00:00 | by etheror | [ Reply to This ]
  I think this is beautiful. Particularly the description of the girl playing beneath the clothesline. And wanting a horse...and the dream of the barn. It reminds me of you as a child, which I imagine isn't that far from the truth...
| Posted on 2008-08-28 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  i think this "she" is you but in third-person, while the first person "i" is the definitive voice inside your head, aching.

we all want that lover to come whisk us away, to show us the pleasures of fruit and sky and ocean and everything in between.

that horse and stable symbolises the duality of security and freedom: to want to tame someone's wildness to be in synchronicity with your own heartbeats.

she's just covered in dirt
her satin sunday's best dress is all covered in
innocence
the color of mud and green stains


virginal imagery yet touched with intense longing, with the notion that love is a blemish. but perhaps that's just society telling her that...

and she'll try to catch him
and maybe she'll catch him


i really think it should end here. there's more power if you leave it dangling like this, y'know?


| Posted on 2008-08-11 00:00:00 | by discombobulated | [ Reply to This ]
  turqois should be turquoise
Don't like this much, Well thats not completely true, I really liked the first part, didn't like it once it turned to first person. Took away from it alot.

I don't know because I woke up before I got to that part

from that line on it pretty much deteriorates (that really doesn't look spelled right to me, but i mean that it falls apart) from there. Maybe if you just cut that part off, under the last line of the stanza before that put Who knows? and end it, but thats just me

For the first part, good job
Vynom
| Posted on 2008-08-03 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
  If i understand this correctly, it is talking about the same person, but the differences between being alone, wanting love, and the innocense and freedom of childhood from that? If so, it was brilliantly written. If not, well it was still brilliantly written, and it made me think of that. I do like this alot, though it is not my style
I may suggest you finding and downloading the song (since it is rare) of "Field of Innocense" by Evanscence, from the cd Origin.
| Posted on 2008-08-02 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]


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