A Lover -------------------------------------------
I've identified
and I
I am
in such a hurry to find
a lover
the most important thing
intimacy
I've lost
and found
the most perfect purple rain
and when I scattered around all the
beautiful
spanish turqois skirts
underneath
the scent of jasmine and poppy's and
what is that?
cotton?
underneath the clothes line
there is a little girl playing between each emerald blade of grass
the miniscule differences make tiny cuts that she can't feel
she'll forget that she ever scratched her wrists from tiny irritation
she's just covered in dirt
her satin sunday's best dress is all covered in
innocence
the color of mud and green stains
she lays in the grass
she laughs while her dog licks her face
she does not deny the blue never-ending sky that floats above her head
and will allow her to live forever
because she doesn't even think about never living forever
she thinks about
she'll want a horse some day
and then she'll forget about that too
and then she'll remember when she dreams about an old barn
and in the dream a horse will be tied to a stable
he'll try to break lose
and she'll try to catch him
and maybe she'll catch him
she'll want a horse some day
and then she'll forget about that too
and then she'll remember when she dreams about an old barn
and in the dream a horse will be tied to a stable
he'll try to break lose
and she'll try to catch him
and maybe she'll catch him
It ends perfect. Like floating, quiet beneath a wave... the way waves move.
This looking forward-looking backward moment is a frustrating one. Both are touchable, close. But at the same time--fleeting, distant.
(you already got the whole symbolic deconstruction down yonder, so i have little to say to you beyond:
i like it.)
Aah... writing poems to yourself... so easy, right? Haha... far too many times... Ugh.
the most important thing
intimacy
I've lost
and found
the most perfect purple rain
and when I scattered around all the
beautiful
spanish turqois skirts
underneath
the scent of jasmine and poppy's and
what is that?
cotton?
These lines are nice--cool breezes. "and what is that? cotton?" Playful. Nice contrast to the next strophe, with satin Sunday's best. Younger, your outsides were pristine (innocent though i'm bitter towards the term atm), and if you wished for the future, you wished for simplicity--riding free. Older, now, soon--next week, in a decade--you are relaxed, well-worn. Comfortable outsides (the hope, anyway), but there's a seriousness inside. The future.
Hmmm...
...all covered in
innocence
the color of mud and green stains
I think this is beautiful. Particularly the description of the girl playing beneath the clothesline. And wanting a horse...and the dream of the barn. It reminds me of you as a child, which I imagine isn't that far from the truth...
i think this "she" is you but in third-person, while the first person "i" is the definitive voice inside your head, aching.
we all want that lover to come whisk us away, to show us the pleasures of fruit and sky and ocean and everything in between.
that horse and stable symbolises the duality of security and freedom: to want to tame someone's wildness to be in synchronicity with your own heartbeats.
she's just covered in dirt
her satin sunday's best dress is all covered in
innocence
the color of mud and green stains
virginal imagery yet touched with intense longing, with the notion that love is a blemish. but perhaps that's just society telling her that...
and she'll try to catch him
and maybe she'll catch him
i really think it should end here. there's more power if you leave it dangling like this, y'know?
turqois should be turquoise
Don't like this much, Well thats not completely true, I really liked the first part, didn't like it once it turned to first person. Took away from it alot.
I don't know because I woke up before I got to that part
from that line on it pretty much deteriorates (that really doesn't look spelled right to me, but i mean that it falls apart) from there. Maybe if you just cut that part off, under the last line of the stanza before that put Who knows? and end it, but thats just me
If i understand this correctly, it is talking about the same person, but the differences between being alone, wanting love, and the innocense and freedom of childhood from that? If so, it was brilliantly written. If not, well it was still brilliantly written, and it made me think of that. I do like this alot, though it is not my style
I may suggest you finding and downloading the song (since it is rare) of "Field of Innocense" by Evanscence, from the cd Origin.
Submission Name: A Lover
