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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deep Within Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: night_angel
    ASL Info:    20/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.32 - 138/179/58
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 49
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 474



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeep Within Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Curtains shadow from the light
    As darkness surrounds my heart
    Befitting the illusions of night
    Cast apon me from the start

    Never was hope needed more
    Than in these days of gloom
    Stricken deep to the core
    Sitting alone in a populated room

    Everything is fine, but nothing is right
    All are blind, without the ability to see
    What is hidden in plain sight
    All that I bury deep within me




    Submitted on 2008-08-02 19:10:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Good Peice,
    I like the flow it seems to roll off the tongue nicely.

    "Curtains shadow from the light
    As darkness surrounds my heart
    Befitting the illusions of night
    Cast apon me from the start"

    I think in the second line of the stanza I would throw in a "the" in front of darkness. Otherwise its a good begining pulls the reader in and sets the stage for the poem.

    "Never was hope needed more
    Than in these days of gloom
    Stricken deep to the core
    Sitting alone in a populated room"

    As the middle of the poem, I think it should be expanded upon. I think there should be a little more meat to this, kinda thicken it up a tad. [BTW, I absoutly love the first line]

    "Everything is fine, but nothing is right
    I am blind, but no one can see
    What is hidden in plain sight
    All that I bury deep within me"

    I think over-all the last stanza tied everything together nicely although you may want to reword the second line a little bit.

    Anyway.
    Nice work.
    ~Carrie


    | Posted on 2008-08-02 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]


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