Description: First piece i've submitted in a while, and it's a disturbing one. My goal was to write something totally out of chraacter for me, something beyond just f*cked up. My inspiration partly came from a news article i read and lyrics from the band "Slayer". Though i did enjoy writting it, this poem embodies the things my personal moral beliefs detest most greatly...which made it an interesting experiement for me as a poet.
My Toy to Destroy -------------------------------------------
You are my toy to destroy
I the master, you the slave
Tied up for my amusement
Pain, pleasure, the choice is mine
Penitrate to violate
Rape seems to minor a word
Pound your trembling body
to ravage your innocence
cut n slice your perfect skin
drink your blood
lick your tears
I feast upon your terror
relishing your screams and cries
how you cry and beg to die
Is the best part of my hobby
relief of death will only come
When you're to broken to play
The work itself is very well done. The words and the rhythm fit the theme well. I do feel like it is missing something.
The darkness itself is not there yet. The actual evil of this feels too "forced" out of yourself, and leaves the piece lacking that cretin something that inspires true revile.
I would suggest that you crawl inside yourself and find YOUR true darkness. Even the most Godly people have true evil within them that they keep locked away. If you want to continue experimenting with creating beauty form darkness, you must be true to you nature. And that may take some time to find if you buried it very deep.
its actually a very interesting piece of i say so myself
to me it seems as if ur talking about a man who has no regard what so ever of human lie. he disregards it so much that he feels as if people (women) are his property i his toys
and hence forth since he sees them as toys they have really no value to him now do they.....ah and before i forget i dont know if its intentional but its seems as if the poem has an undercurrent in , something along the lines of revenge and anger
all in all a VERY interesting piece and btw yes this piece does have F*ck it somewhere in there, lol thanks for the read
Submission Name: My Toy to Destroy
