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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Toy to Destroydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nomad knight
    Elite Ratio:    6.66 - 110/75/41
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 616
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 599



    Description:
       First piece i've submitted in a while, and it's a disturbing one. My goal was to write something totally out of chraacter for me, something beyond just f*cked up. My inspiration partly came from a news article i read and lyrics from the band "Slayer". Though i did enjoy writting it, this poem embodies the things my personal moral beliefs detest most greatly...which made it an interesting experiement for me as a poet.


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    dotsMy Toy to Destroydots
    -------------------------------------------


    You are my toy to destroy
    I the master, you the slave
    Tied up for my amusement
    Pain, pleasure, the choice is mine

    Penitrate to violate
    Rape seems to minor a word
    Pound your trembling body
    to ravage your innocence

    cut n slice your perfect skin
    drink your blood
    lick your tears
    I feast upon your terror
    relishing your screams and cries

    how you cry and beg to die
    Is the best part of my hobby
    relief of death will only come
    When you're to broken to play




    Submitted on 2008-08-02 22:04:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The work itself is very well done. The words and the rhythm fit the theme well. I do feel like it is missing something.

    The darkness itself is not there yet. The actual evil of this feels too "forced" out of yourself, and leaves the piece lacking that cretin something that inspires true revile.

    I would suggest that you crawl inside yourself and find YOUR true darkness. Even the most Godly people have true evil within them that they keep locked away. If you want to continue experimenting with creating beauty form darkness, you must be true to you nature. And that may take some time to find if you buried it very deep.
    | Posted on 2008-09-05 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      ah......

    its actually a very interesting piece of i say so myself

    to me it seems as if ur talking about a man who has no regard what so ever of human lie. he disregards it so much that he feels as if people (women) are his property i
    his toys


    and hence forth since he sees them as toys they have really no value to him now do they.....ah and before i forget i dont know if its intentional but its seems as if the poem has an undercurrent in , something along the lines of revenge and anger

    all in all a VERY interesting piece and btw yes this piece does have F*ck it somewhere in there, lol thanks for the read


    -Torcher
    | Posted on 2008-08-04 00:00:00 | by BlueTorcher | [ Reply to This ]


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