Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lookdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dreamer37517
    ASL Info:    25/F/Bama
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 161/149/49
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 862
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 552



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLookdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She cries her tears
    To drown the lies.
    Day by day
    Her reality dies.

    Screams out her lungs
    To deafen the pain.
    Behind that smile
    She's quite insane.

    She sits quietly
    In silent anger.
    The truth hurts
    As envy consumes her.

    She breathes it in
    Breathes it out.
    No matter what
    She's filled with doubt.

    Look in her eyes
    Youll see its real.
    She's lost her touch
    She can not feel.




    Submitted on 2008-08-05 07:44:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was written very well. The flow was a little off in the third stanza, but other than that it was very good.
    I do have to say that it was very vague. You didn't say why she was this way.
    It wasn't completely cliché. Besides everything's been done before anyway.

    It was a great poem. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading

    »Haely«
    | Posted on 2008-08-07 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice. you did a good job here in explaining the insanity that comes from not being able to express yourself anylonger. the poem has a pretty nice flow. this poem reminds me alot of how i feel. i feel sometimes that i must escape, but i know that would be a bad response to the sensation of feeling helpless. A good response should be holding still and not panicing.
    | Posted on 2008-08-06 00:00:00 | by Bozly | [ Reply to This ]
      hey when the hard times come try to be happy do something to get your mind of it b/c like you wrote the envy consumer her pain can do the same I was once there myself so if writing is the only way to get out then go for it write write and write but don't let the pain and anger win b/c at the end you will be the one who losses .
    well great writing by the way .

    ~Darrell
    | Posted on 2008-08-05 00:00:00 | by anguished_child | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    164341

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Carry written by saartha
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry