Description: This poem was directly inspired by the song "Black Sabbath" by a band of the same name. The lines in quotations are direct lines from the song and many of the other lines are conceptually found in the song as well. However I took a concept of the song i liked and made a poem that is my own, not a copy of the song.
For those unfamilar with the song itself, "Black Sabbath" was one of the very first heavy metal songs, recorded in the late 60's. It's use of tri tones and the very low tuned distorted electric guitar playing them was revolutionary and people of that time had never heard anything like it...and many of them were frightened by it and the song's subject of Satan's terror and power.
Oh no! Please God No! Don't let it take me! -------------------------------------------
“What is this that stands before me?
Figure in black which points at me”
Obscured in shadow, it commands
But I know not what it demands
Paralyzed in fear I lay in my bed
Unable to run from that I dread
Want to beg but find I’ve no voice
In silence it says I have no choice
Though I don’t move from where I lay
I feel myself being dragged away
Taking me somewhere I don’t want to go
Somewhere dark deep down below
Oh god please! Help me, let me run
I don’t want to be the chosen one
“Big black shape with eyes of fire”
Smiling as the flames about me grow higher
Eek. Pretty dark and scary. Its strange because I can feel the blunt pain and fear but because of the lack of severe descriptiveness thats all I feel. There is no innate fear which flows through your whole body. But in a way I like how that was done because it adds more depth and interpretation to the piece. For example although screaming for help which might not come it also empowers the reader or the writer to overcome that fear and grow from it. Blunt but powerful.
this is pretty sweet. i have heard the original and of course know black sabbath (duh, who doesn't?) and i think you have done them right.
for some reason though i can't get the tune of iron man out my head. surprisingly it fits quite well also, if you read it just right.
anyway, i guess i don't really have much to offer in the way of criticism. so i guess i'll just say neato and leave it at that.