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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oh no! Please God No! Don't let it take me!dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nomad knight
    Elite Ratio:    6.66 - 110/75/41
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 673
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 754



    Description:
       This poem was directly inspired by the song "Black Sabbath" by a band of the same name. The lines in quotations are direct lines from the song and many of the other lines are conceptually found in the song as well. However I took a concept of the song i liked and made a poem that is my own, not a copy of the song.

    For those unfamilar with the song itself, "Black Sabbath" was one of the very first heavy metal songs, recorded in the late 60's. It's use of tri tones and the very low tuned distorted electric guitar playing them was revolutionary and people of that time had never heard anything like it...and many of them were frightened by it and the song's subject of Satan's terror and power.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOh no! Please God No! Don't let it take me!dots
    -------------------------------------------


    “What is this that stands before me?
    Figure in black which points at me”
    Obscured in shadow, it commands
    But I know not what it demands

    Paralyzed in fear I lay in my bed
    Unable to run from that I dread
    Want to beg but find I’ve no voice
    In silence it says I have no choice

    Though I don’t move from where I lay
    I feel myself being dragged away
    Taking me somewhere I don’t want to go
    Somewhere dark deep down below

    Oh god please! Help me, let me run
    I don’t want to be the chosen one
    “Big black shape with eyes of fire”
    Smiling as the flames about me grow higher

    Oh no! No! Please God, Help Me!





    Submitted on 2008-08-05 09:08:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Eek. Pretty dark and scary. Its strange because I can feel the blunt pain and fear but because of the lack of severe descriptiveness thats all I feel. There is no innate fear which flows through your whole body. But in a way I like how that was done because it adds more depth and interpretation to the piece. For example although screaming for help which might not come it also empowers the reader or the writer to overcome that fear and grow from it. Blunt but powerful.

    Leep it up.

    ~flora~
    | Posted on 2008-08-23 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
      aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!
    no! no! nooooooooooooooooooo!!!
    dear God! aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

    hahahaha... sorry.
    this is pretty sweet. i have heard the original and of course know black sabbath (duh, who doesn't?) and i think you have done them right.
    for some reason though i can't get the tune of iron man out my head. surprisingly it fits quite well also, if you read it just right.
    anyway, i guess i don't really have much to offer in the way of criticism. so i guess i'll just say neato and leave it at that.

    ~g
    | Posted on 2008-08-06 00:00:00 | by grey | [ Reply to This ]


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