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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wishing and Waitingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: broken heart
    ASL Info:    22/F/England
    Elite Ratio:    2.64 - 2/4/4
    Words: 220
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 710
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1420



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWishing and Waitingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wishing and waiting,
    The sun beats down, unknowingly burning my face.
    The wind feels delicate upon my neck,
    It blows gently across my face, helping to cool my head.
    The smells are intoxicting,
    Mixture of leaves, flowers, but at the same time sickening.
    Engine oil and metallic fencing,
    Man-made smells we could all do without.
    Cigarette smoke infused with sweat, making me want to gag.
    Wishing and Waiting.
    I see a spiders web, so fragile it could break at any moment.
    A yellow butterfly calmly floats by, it has not a care in the world.
    I watch the trees bend lightly with their leaves playing and whispering together.
    Wishing and Waiting
    A rusted set of tracks lie sleeping, hoping to be used once again some day.
    The wind picks up, blowing, rushing.
    It tries to take away the noises,
    There is noise everywhere,
    If only it was just natural noises
    Wishing and Waiting.
    I hear kids screaming, lights beeping, the traffic is so unbearable.
    Squeaking trollies and teenage stompings, why do people need all this noise?
    Mobile phones, conversations i do not wish to hear.
    I wish to be a silent tree,
    I wish to be a purple flower,
    I wish to be the sleeping tracks,
    I wish to be the wind.
    But I am sat
    Wishing and Waiting.




    Submitted on 2008-08-05 18:52:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really liked reading this piece. like ur other comments there were spelling errors u should make spellchecker ur friend.
    | Posted on 2008-08-06 00:00:00 | by essence of life | [ Reply to This ]
      i think this was an absolutely amazing write. even it's length did not interfere with my ability to read though it all and not realize that i was finished. there are some typos that i saw though.

    I blows gently across my face, helping to cool my head.
    <It> blows ...

    Mixture of leaves, flowers but at the same time sickening.
    Mixture of leaves <and> flowers...
    or
    Mixture of leaves, flowers<,> but at ...

    Cigerette smoke infused with sweat, making me want to gag.
    <Cigarette> smoke...


    A yellow buttterfly calmly floats by, it has not a care in the world.
    A yellow <butterfly> calmly...

    I watch the trees bend lightly with their leav es playing and
    I watch the trees bend lightly with their <leaves> playing and

    Squeking trollies and teenage stompings,
    <Squeaking> trollies and...

    the world has become disgustingly overpopulated with less and less concern for the earth we are living in.
    this piece flowed beautifully and there was only one thing i didn't like about it...
    A yellow buttterfly calmly floats by, it has not a care in the world
    i felt like in that line you were trying to hard....it sounded too pretty. a fake pretty. other than that, great write.
    | Posted on 2008-08-05 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
      A few little mistakes, nothing big.
    Overall you capture the essence of waiting well.

    I hate waiting.

    But, Nice Write!

    ~Pearly
    | Posted on 2008-08-05 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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