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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: WhatYouWill
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 65/76/35
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 916
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 594


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Once, I saw an almost-man throw his head back
    and laugh

    at I know not what. But, still,
    the others around him
    began to smile too

    My lips part, and I speak to him.

    Once, I saw a girl in a blue raincoat
    standing in the park.

    Her boots
    were planted in the muddy ground,

    she grinned,
    and she held a sun in her hands.

    I walk up, and talk with her.

    Neither of them seem alarmed
    at the way I am explicitly smiling.

    Submitted on 2008-08-05 23:08:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Sounds like a Mardi Gras acid trip on paper... all the way down to the explicit smile :D
    | Posted on 2010-01-05 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very joyful poem, and just reading it makes me feel joyful too. (I hope you're not alarmed at the way I am explicity smiling.) (Love that line.) It's shorter than most things I've read by you, but I think that works.

    There are just a few phrasing things: I think it would sound better if you said "at what I do not know" and "she grinned, and held a sun up in her hands." But those are really just personal taste.

    Your choice of words has always impressed my and in this poem it is the use of the word "explicitly" that draws my attention. Without it, this poem would end with a whimper, but that one word makes it the kind of thing I want to repeat to myself over and over and over again.
    | Posted on 2008-08-06 00:00:00 | by LunaMoth | [ Reply to This ]

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