Description: Okay this piece is a little old, but still acceptable i believe (correct me if im wrong)
i know theres a stanza in there that doesnt quite flow in you would like to help me on it. it would be much appreciated
-Later
Destroying the Pain -------------------------------------------
Atop the trees or down below
Among the greasy streets
Lies our love among the heap of trash
That scatters at my feet
Once I went and tried to
Salvage what was left
But all the memories of violence and distrust
Detoured my from my quest
I turned away old wounds opened
For all the world to see
As I tried to find the one place
Where I could still be happy
I found an old picture
Of you, of course and looked at it for awhile
And tried to remember you
As something other, than the devil's child
Its strange because every blue moon
I still feel live for you
The compassion of a full relationship
Even if one sided
But as I sit her looking at your face
All I feel is hate
The same hate that made me mentally ill
And put me in this state
Never again, never again
Will you hurt me, the way you did
Becasue now I am strong
No matter what you say or do
I really can't bash it like you want us to because I think it all flows perfectly well. You captivated me from start to finish in this poem. So I think the only thing you need to change about this poem is the way you perceive it.
Submission Name: Destroying the Pain
