This was pretty good. I don't know if the repetition of the word "match" was intentional, but i didn't think it flowed all that well until i went through and picked them out.
It's rather short, but it's better than some of your other poems. I like this one, it has a simple beauty to it that, while it could be improved a lot, doesn't need to be.
The last line felt anti-climatic... to me matches are tiny and mundane... something for lighting cigarettes or candles during power cuts. I suppose it has connotations of spreading its light, but I don't think a match really "shines through", more briefly flickers through.
There were too many "unmatched"s... the repetition didn't add anything, there's no new levels of meaning added etc.
It's strange how you say keep saying she's unmatched and then call her love a match... "un" is normally a prefix of negation... so it makes it seem on some nonsensical level a bit paradoxical. hmm.
And finally, it seems a bit religious to me... unmatched, unconditional, especially unchanging... because people tend to be full of change, while gods supposedly ain't. Religious in that it might not be about a god, but if it's interpreted as being about a person, then that person is pretty much venerated to god status... magnificent and apart from the bleak world.
This write seemed a little forced in places but to be honest with a little touching up I believe this could turn into something special
The rhyme seems a little forced perhaps if you just went free verse throughout the whole write the sentiment of the poem would improve which in return would create more pure honest emotion
If you do decide to touch up on this Please let me know
I would Love to reread it
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
God Bless
Ron
Submission Name: <((Untitled))>
