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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Fragile Wingsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: garnet4david
    ASL Info:    20/M/Indonesia
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 81/83/58
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 55
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 620



    Description:
       I would like to know whether this piece is sweet or not, romantic or not. Any suggestions and recommendations are welcomed.

    I changed some sentences and some forced rhymes, i hope it is better now. i wonder if any of you can catch the real meaning behind this poetry.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Fragile Wingsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Today is looking like yesterday,
    still, we have done nothing.
    Yet i still dreaming a lot,
    to pick all the stars for you.

    Let me fold my fragile wings,
    taking a rest from everything.
    Lets we end this painful story,
    without the need to say sorry.

    I will strive for tomorrow,
    a promise not to feel sorrow.
    I still wish you an eternal smile,
    though, it will no longer be mine.

    Now, I can only say good bye,
    but, my love will never die.
    I will always send you a hi,
    a sincerity to start your day.




    Submitted on 2008-08-10 11:39:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed the title of this poem. I thought it was quite eye-catching. As for the poem itself, I think the concepts are really good. I think however, the rhyming sceme seems a little forced in some areas.

    As the person mentioned above, it does seem a little choppy and more lines could help fix that up. Also the first line did you mean 'Today is looking like yesterday' instead of 'Today is look like yesterday'? The way you have it now seems a little grammatically incorrect and make it harder for the reader to want to continue reading.

    However for those who do, they'll find quite a interesting poem. some minor things to work out but overall good job
    | Posted on 2008-08-19 00:00:00 | by jaramae | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, this is sweet, I love it. ^_^ But you might want to try to add more in between the lines because it makes the poem seem kind of choppy.
    | Posted on 2008-08-10 00:00:00 | by xxiknownowxx | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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