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Submission Name:
You
--------------------------------------------------------
Author:
BlueTorcher
Elite Ratio:
4.67 - 79/97/96
Words:
124
Class/Type:
Poetry/Love
Total Views:
796
Average Vote:
5.0000
Bytes:
779
Description:
Wrote it a few weeks ago, just never got around to posting it
You
-------------------------------------------
I turn around and look at you
A frown upon my face
Only to see you working, hard away
Until you look
Into my face
Suprising like a new day
Looking at me
You start to smile
Staring straight into my eyes
My stomach flutters
My heart stops
As you continue to hold me
In your watch
Your eye pierce me
Like two thorny trees
Giving my the deadliest of hugs
Never the less I feel love
My face aglow
My skin pricked
As I wonder at your enchantment
Wondering away
Still half dazed
I stop and think
What would happen
If i returned your gaze
Submitted on 2008-08-10 18:43:37
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||| Comments |||
Wow. I think you just summed up the greatest love of all. Keep up the good work.
| Posted on 2008-08-11 00:00:00 | by
Rachel Ruff
| [
Reply to This
]
wow..............GOOD JOB..........lol.......I mean lol......you're on to something there......keep it up!
| Posted on 2008-08-10 00:00:00 | by
Blackphoenix14
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Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [
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1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?
164530
Jimmy Ruska
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
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January 10 07
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