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    dots Submission Name: To be freedots

    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 64/90/75
    Words: 303
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 733
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2124

       Just read it please, and tell me what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo be freedots

    Say you want to talk to me...
    Well, here's your chance,
    but every time,
    I fall silent...
    Your lips stay closed:
    at first glance,
    and the second.

    I say to you, "I love you"
    and all you muster,
    is..."yeah, i know".
    And you just sit there smiling;
    like I'm a puppet in your show.
    And i hate it.

    You say, "Jump!"
    I say, "How high?"
    I whisper, "Hop."
    You won't even try;
    am I just, wasting my time?

    I would do anything;
    Just to make you happy...
    But when I asked you if you would
    You honestly couldn't answer me.
    So i'm done,
    sick of it.

    For almost five years,
    I pratically worshipped your feet.
    I spent so many nights,
    where i couldn't sleep.
    While you were out having:
    such a good time.
    And i was at home crying:
    Because you didn't care,
    That i was there.
    all alone...

    Well i will no longer,
    answer your call;
    Because you like it this way.
    You want me to hurt.
    But i want to be free,
    From you and from me.
    And just sit by myself,
    Knowing i am.
    Dusting my knees,
    So i can finally stand.
    That's pathetic,
    But i'd be happy...

    See i realized something:
    Like it was something i knew,
    You will NEVER love me,
    As much as i love you.
    And you don't even see it,
    Because you always win;
    And because you'll never love me,
    As much as you love him.
    And i wonder,
    Do you at all?

    It doesn't matter anymore;
    I'm moving on with my life.
    Because the only one left to love,
    Is my baby.
    And that's enough.
    See because that's the only person,
    That matters to me.
    And now you are nothing...
    God it feels good to be free!

    Submitted on 2008-08-11 03:40:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Nice poem, you wrote here. But think you need to work on the structure. Maybe it is too long, because, which make it hard to read.

    If you tried to make it more simple and removed some of the 'and, and 'that' it would become more light in the structure.

    But keep up the good work ;0)
    | Posted on 2008-08-12 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]

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