[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Phantom Heartache - Balladdots

    Author: freshcookies
    Elite Ratio:    4.15 - 63/77/45
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 716
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1092


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPhantom Heartache - Balladdots

    Your voice cannot disguise the tears
    That lurk within your eyes.
    And peek out through the vowels
    Of the name you now despise.

    The jagged-edged memories
    Of years when she was yours
    Drag ruthlessly across your heart
    And brutalize old sores.

    Your tears have sprung up in my throat
    And though it sounds absurd
    They gallivant in my concern
    Then drop from clumsy words.

    They sting the scrapes upon my heart
    Which are not really there
    But which translucently reflect
    The heartache that you bear.

    You’re held together by a scrap
    Of torn and damaged hope
    Tied carelessly around your chest—
    A length of rotting rope.

    I long to be your bandage and
    To shield you from this pain
    But only time can heal these wounds,
    My touch would be in vain.

    I watch the wind tear at your scars
    (But revel in the breeze!)
    Compassion caused your suffering
    To become my disease.

    Submitted on 2008-08-12 02:43:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow i really like this. It's really good and the message is ...well not exactly "sweet" but hopefully you get where i am comming from. I just...I like it. your metaphores are good, you're structure, your flow. The poem convey's it's message artisticly but doesn't use big metaphors in a way that can easily confuse the reader and leave them struggling to find your meaning. The poem reads well and it's message is clear.

    I really like what this poem says. Are you going to give it to the friend to which the poem is to? Honestly i wish a friend of mine would write a poem like this to me. I'd appreciate it so very much.
    | Posted on 2008-08-12 00:00:00 | by nomad knight | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]