Highwire by Imadjinn

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Submission Name: Highwire dots

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Author:	Imadjinn
ASL Info:	17/M/Neverwhere
Elite Ratio:	4.29 - 340/343/145
Words:	89

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	121
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	607

Description:
Nice little write for a friend.

Highwire dots

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It's a high wire act, this
... I don't know what to call it
naming is a dangerous game to play
the weight of words
might just knock us off the line

Before you arrive, I'm writing farewells
I breathe in the air of August thunderstorms
every second you're here
missing you even as we speak
and I'm sad to say
when you walk away
a sigh of relief escapes

I'm alive when you're with me
living like dynamite
all ruins between the brilliance

Submitted on 2008-08-12 07:41:10 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
This is a rather marvelous piece. I found it rather interesting, though I have seen the style in which you wrote it. However this point is in no way ultimately hindering to what you have written. In an oddly enough way this poem made me feel comfortable (this is not the right adjective but I fail to see anything that comes closer to accurately describing what I feel).

and I am sad to say
when you walk away
a sigh of relief escapes
I belief that this is where the poem truly reaches it's pinnacle of the conflict you have over the person who is subject of this piece. To remark honestly, I believe this sense of personal confliction is something most everybody has felt, but they way you have presented it is subtle and yet thrilling all at the same time.

Finally, before I seem too monotonous, I really enjoyed the ending line. I tied the piece up nicely and though in it's entirety the poem is great this is my favorite.

-Sincerely, Poppi
| Posted on 2008-10-30 00:00:00 | by poppi | [ Reply to This ]
all ruins between the brilliance

this line confuses me greatly
in my mind its the most beautiful image ever but i see it two different ways and im not sure which way is the rightest.

dynamite ruins everything but can be spectacular to look upon during the exploding part...

my first read through this yesterday i missed the highwire first line and all i could think of was haywire... you know... when everythings crazy and crossed and not working out the way you think it should but its working out anyways...?

and naming is a dangerous game.
dangerous in part because once something has a name it usually lacks the ability to be known as anything else. [interestingly enough i rename people all the time... its rather shocking of me but people usually adopt their new names graciously though only when i call them by it haha]
so yeah... its prolly a good thing you havent named this... thing...

why the sigh of relief upon seperating?
in my mind this is the perfect love note...
but then maybe life is too intense when this person is around and so life needs to be lived in short bursts... you know... you hold your breath when theyre round coz you never know whats coming next and when they leave the relief is coming back down to earth and knowing that its gonna be okay and youre not gonna fall this time...

yeah...
im rambling but i really like this piece a lot.

| Posted on 2008-08-14 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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