Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heartbeatdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: koolness
    ASL Info:    17/female/city of evil
    Elite Ratio:    2.58 - 80/106/56
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 798
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 804



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeartbeatdots
    -------------------------------------------


    No heart beat can match the one of mine when you hold me
    Faster and faster my pulse flies wild as your arms snake closer
    No heart beat can match mine when you look at me
    Staring into your eyes I sink deeper into our perfect heaven
    No heart beat can match mine when you kiss my lips
    Feeling my head rush and my knees shake I know
    that we're meant for eachother...
    or so I thought....

    No heart beat can match the one of mine when I see you
    A slow, dead thump claims the hollow hole within my chest
    No heart beat can match mine as your arms snake close to her
    A glimpse of what we were and what we should've been
    No heart beat can match mine...
    the dead, silent,
    stillness within....




    Submitted on 2008-08-12 20:28:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hm... I like the layout of this poem more than I like the content. It reminds me of some of my stuff. Try to let the words fly out more, don't be so tight when you construct the text. If you manage to do that, you will amaze yourself with what comes out and others too...
    | Posted on 2008-08-14 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    164608

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry