[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Words Will Tie Me To My Gravedots

    Author: withblindedeyez
    ASL Info:    19/m/nc
    Elite Ratio:    2.57 - 83/121/58
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 541
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 897


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWords Will Tie Me To My Gravedots

    Gifted with the freedom of speech
    Yet I can not find the words to speak
    A poet of sort I am some might would say
    But these words I feel will lock me to my grave
    The final nail in the coffin of life it seems
    My sins will forever haunt me I believe
    Till this day I can not say with words or verbs
    Or phases or with persuasion of how much
    You mean to me, my gift is a way with words
    But my style of use is always corrupted and encrypted
    Linguistic, my lyrics so to say always come out twisted
    So I'll sing you a song of love stronger than the strongest man
    Purer than the skies above, about how you turned
    These crows into doves, drenched in black was my heart
    A man apart from the world, crashing with a spin and a whirl
    This is a story of a boy who would meet the love of a girl

    Submitted on 2008-08-14 21:20:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I lilke the way you play with the words, mixing them up. You are finding original expression in your word placement rather the the same old lockstep progression we all learn is right and have a hard time letting go of. The lack of punctuation does not bother me but instead adds to the overall sense of the theme. Your off-rhymes are excellent too. The second half of of the poem seemed to be a different poem than the first half but on second reading I made the connection. Seems like tongue tied boy wants to express love for girl.
    | Posted on 2008-08-16 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      I was a bit confused at first. It took me reading it a few times to get the rhyme close to the end and I'm not sure if you meant to put "might would" in the third line. Overall, I like your use of rhyme, but the poem seems to be unfocused and the lack of punctuation makes it difficult to keep up.
    | Posted on 2008-08-14 00:00:00 | by Sparkster | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]