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    dots Submission Name: Why the Innocent Abrade Themselves with Expertsdots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Rant/Misc
    Total Views: 780
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 831

       ~something for my red-headed stepdaughter~

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy the Innocent Abrade Themselves with Expertsdots

    Why the Innocent Abrade Themselves with Experts

    Of course I remember it all
    The headstrong collision of energies
    That led to shrieking shower solos
    And iambic rants masquerading
    As shamanistic rage

    Challenges, challenges
    All barrels emptied
    The sun winked shut

    Anoint me, queen
    Anoint me anything

    ‘Christ, I’m brave,’ you said
    ‘I shiver till I turn to steel.’

    Yeah…so much confidence
    It failed to check itself
    So you’ve pissed on stars
    And convinced the world it’s rain

    I understand
    Sing to us, dear deity –

    Tell us

    How broken edges polish
    Men to brightness
    And wishes cut them deep
    Enough to pray

    Submitted on 2008-08-15 04:03:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      my dear you have such a way with words, but you loose me with what your trying to say in most of your work?
    Very confusing or is it just me?
    And yet I like your stuff, strange that after my other comments, maybe if I read them over and over I dont know? sorry to be so critical,

    | Posted on 2008-10-14 00:00:00 | by jamar2 | [ Reply to This ]

    Poor girl

    ‘Christ, I’m brave,’ you said
    ‘I shiver till I turn to steel.’

    Yeah…so much confidence
    It failed to check itself
    So you’ve pissed on stars
    And convinced the world it’s rain


    Oh man.

    I'm too tired to give you a real comment on this.
    Insanity. The poisoned, sharpened sporks inmates use to slash each other.

    Good lord.

    Teenagers suck, eh?


    | Posted on 2008-09-08 00:00:00 | by etheror | [ Reply to This ]
      I wasn't expecting to like this, but I did.

    My favorite bit is "‘Christ, I’m brave,’ you said/‘I shiver till I turn to steel.’" Such cutting cynicism wrapped with imagery.

    You've got a great control over sounds in this pieces. The alliteration of 'sh' in the first stanza is able to be noticed but not overbearing.

    The only section I'm not terrible fond of is the line 'Yeah…so much confidence'. It feels like a break in voice to me. But then, I dislike ellipses so it might just be that old bias showing its hand again.

    Very strong closing lines, and a very strong poem in general. Great work.
    | Posted on 2008-08-15 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems this is an elegy as evidenced by the 'challenges' lines and 'sing to us,dear diety'. your ending lines are emphatically forceful sprays of emotions spurring all to a betterment of life.
    | Posted on 2008-08-15 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]

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