Description: Don't bury youself with fulse hope of full atonment.
To live without hope is not living, one must know when to stop hoping and fight ones own sorrow
Hope is a empty lie -------------------------------------------
To find true happyness is a lie, we will never find it for true happyness is just an illusion.
And, for this we will drown in our sorrow, with the constant thought of regret.
All the pass sins we have comtited will slowly an yet knowingly kill us softly.
The hope we may get from our religions is just a constite reminder of the inperfections we are.
To be born with sin and us having to constitly repent for our sin and try to atone for our sins and hope that one day we wil fully be forgiven.
But the truth is hope is just an empty lie.
All hope does is try to cover up our regets with fulse illusion of selfgranger and so it will leave us with nothing but ever more sorrow.
your mispelling of the word "happyness" immediately made me think of the Will smith movie The Pursuit of Happyness - and one line in particular:
"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that? "
and another moment he shares with his son
"Chris Gardner: Hey. Don't ever let somebody tell you... You can't do something. Not even me. All right?
Christopher: All right.
Chris Gardner: You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period. "
So I think you and Mr. Jefferson have something in common, but I disagree. It's not a lie, and it's not empty, it's just not easy.
I think that the part about original sin takes away from the piece, but only because that belief isn't held by everybody, but i know you probably didn't mean it literally.
What the other person said about fight club is true too. there are a lot of "truths" in that apply to many people but others just use them as a cop-out. The book is far better than the movie in my opinion but here are some quotes from the movie that your piece reminded me of.
"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. "
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy [censored] we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. "
Some room for improvement, but definitely a thought provoking piece.
Despite some errors I find this to be a very interesting poem. It has a somber tone, but theres nothing wrong with that. I think its very well written ( Despite a few small errors that aren't very important) Thois is the first of your poems I've read, but after reading this I intend to rea others. Nice work.
I JUST READ A POEM ON A WHOLE DIFFERENT WEB SITE THAT WAS TOTAL OPPOSITE OF THIS WHICH IS PROBABLY THE REASON I AM SO CAPTURED BY THIS WRITE. I REALLY LIKE IT BECAUSE ALTHOUGH THE HUMAN SPIRIT WANTS TO DISMISS THIS THEORY, IT HONESTLY HAS MORE BEHIND IT THAN ANY THEORY WE CARRY IN OUR HEARTS.
"The hope we may get from our religions is just a constite reminder of the inperfections we are. "
THIS LINE WAS MY FAV BECAUSE IT BOLDLY SUGGEST THINGS THE MOST PEOPLE WOULD NEVER SEE. HOW DO WE KNOW HOW WRONG OUR WRONGS ARE IF NOT FOR RELIGION? ANYWAY I LOVE THIS!!!!
THE WORDS ALMOST SOUND SUICIDAL BUT THE DESCRIPTION SEEM TO SUGGEST A MORE WARRIOR APPROACH WHICH ALMOST CONFUSES ME.
Definitely alot of misspellings and some grammatical errors. Made me think of my favorite movie though, fight club, when tyler is burning his hand and he speaks of how we are "god's unwanted children". I'd suggest checking that out if you haven't seen it.