[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Jumpdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 390
    Class/Type: Prose/Passion
    Total Views: 693
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 2178


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    "I don't know if I can do this" she said.

    She was standing on the tip of the window, crouched to jump down. She could feel the wind pushing up through the trees and see the ground, four windows below her. For a second her balance wavered and her sense of control catapulted through the window. She grasped the sides of the window and steadied herself.

    "I have to do this."

    She heard the footsteps behind her. Simon, and Mr. Nice, just down the hall, screaming her name, their ciggarette stained vioces producing a foul dead stench that saturated the silence.

    She didn't have to jump to the ground, only the top of the balcony below, where she could then climb a branch that was sitting on top of the roof. But if she didn't jump correctly, she would land on the ground, and she might break something, or the impact might just kill her.

    For her own safety and sanity she had to go. And she had to do it in such a way that her life would not be over. But in that moment she didn't understand the real quality in life, the real element of existence, and this made her jump down carefully instead of demanding the environment around her and freefalling towards her purpose. Instead of falling like Alice she jumped down into her path like the road not taken. And for this she made the puzzles click in place. She set the gears in motion. She could hear it as she fell.
    She could also hear her liberation in her ability to land on the balcony roof. And she scrambled onto the tree and shhimmied down quickly enough so that the men hunting her couldn't find her, didn't know what room to look into.

    She stood at the base of the tree for a moment and considered her options. Her breath came quickly and her chest rose and fell. The fear had changed directions. She could hear the wheels breaking the force of their path, sending the car forward and around obstacles toward time.

    She could feel that she controlled her direction. She could feel that her lack of hope and how false it could be sometimes was correct.

    Submitted on 2008-08-17 19:13:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      hmmm . . . jumping and escaping . . . and then running? cool stuff
    | Posted on 2008-10-09 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      A very empowering piece... a tad feministic... but I suppose it could've just have been a take on human natures desire to be independent. The story reminds me of one I had to read back in the day for AP lit called The Awakening... except it was much more action packed. You had a great command of suspense, and I was pretty much captivated throughout the read. The imagery was great... as was the story. You have a way of telling a detailed story, and leaving out enough background to give it a mysterious air. There are a few typos in the second paragraph, and the word "shhimmied" in the big paragraph. Great read, once again. :)
    | Posted on 2008-08-17 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The World written by jjd
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]