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    dots Submission Name: The Horndots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 882
    Average Vote:    3.5000
    Bytes: 280

       Something I wrote awhile back.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Horndots

    The horn
    And the keyboard
    Are great instruments to listen to
    The hesitant beat of the drums is pleasant
    The flush and heat of his thumb is objective

    Itís sexy
    And itís quirky too
    Men are great in bed at thirty seven

    Submitted on 2008-08-18 15:02:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hehe, good stuff. Music and love.
    | Posted on 2008-10-05 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      listening to a 37 year old jazz musician in bed perhaps? and how sexy it sounds? yes, there's comedy here, and well-played at that: said with brevity and circumspection and with a nonchalant attitude, totally unlike the mtv goldfish sexpopsicle stuff which passes as music for a lot of people.

    what's there not to get?
    you equate the vibrations of certain instruments with playfulness, sensuousness. ain't nothing wrong with that.

    (bad pun).
    | Posted on 2008-09-03 00:00:00 | by discombobulated | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm with Sir Jimeth here, the end sort of confused me to the point of having no idea what this is supposed to be about. The thumb mentioned in the first stanza also eludes me, whose is it? The player of the keyboard or the horn? The thirty-seven year old? Are they all the same person? So as you can see I really only have questions here...not much else I can say. Interesting piece though, seems almost like a puzzle with much under the surface
    | Posted on 2008-08-19 00:00:00 | by bkj43 | [ Reply to This ]
      This isn't what I should comment on, but I don't feel I need to put too much into this one.

    If it really is an older piece, I can tell. If it isn't, then it's a step back.

    As far as comedy (which is the only way I can read this), I had a sudden unexpected chuckle escape me when I read the last line. Because it's just, as far as I can tell, out there and sudden and unrelated. I don't usually appreciate random things.

    If the poem isn't meant to be comedic and you intend to give it some more thought and work, either remove the entire last stanza, or rewrite it so that it doesn't feel so random.

    The keyboard as a musical instrument is an idea I've played with and used though never settled with. So I feel some weight in that analogy (or metaphor, I think).

    As is, probably best that you did note it's an earlier work. Nothing special, but nothing terrible.
    | Posted on 2008-08-18 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]

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