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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Restlessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mojymo
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 50/59/41
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 640
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 1120



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRestlessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    For Beth

    I hope you're in just as much pain as I am
    and you can't sleep, your mind
    restless from thinking about me
    as I think about you right here, right now,
    lying on this bed in torture.
    My mind won't shut up about you, thinking
    of everything we said to each other, thinking
    that maybe if we just talked about it
    one more time or saw each other
    just for an hour, we'd
    be able to solve everything. But
    I know deep in my battered heart that
    it's not possible to fix it anymore. We've
    broken the connection
    way too many times and now
    the line is dead and the monitor
    no longer hums your name to me.
    But I hope you're in just as much pain as I am
    and you're regretting the words you let
    fall from your lips. Your words
    burned the flesh of my heart and
    it still aches for you today. Please,
    let me hear your pain as well so
    that I know I'm not alone.

    End: 3:41am
    Wed. Aug. 20, 08




    Submitted on 2008-08-20 08:12:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Yay! There's that lovely poem!

    Now, I could visionize the person in this poem. Their heart is beating faster, desperate for an answer from the other person. And if they don't receive an answer, they'll go completely insane.

    ...Yeah. Excuse me for my weird imagination.

    My mind won't shut up about you, thinking
    of everything we said to each other, thinking...


    Those are some awesome lines. I like how you placed thinking at the end of each of them. It makes it more dramatic.

    Please,
    let me hear your pain as well so
    that I know I'm not alone.


    That's my favorite line in the whole piece. I don't know why. I guess it seems like the person is innocent, but desperate to know how the other person feels.

    Anyway, I'm glad you wrote this for me. I really enjoy it everytime I read it.

    -Beth
    | Posted on 2008-08-21 00:00:00 | by crimson_panda | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    5. Which parts?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    164805

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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