Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Memorabilia.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CourtneyLynne
    ASL Info:    23/female/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 74/70/56
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 464
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 491



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemorabilia.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Evocative melodies
    they suggest all too much
    their lyrics, so blistering
    they scream of your touch
    your love at the best times
    when our breath was hot
    when heat was too great
    those times meant a lot
    but at times like right now
    when my heart is quite dead
    they rip at my mind
    and beat at my head
    remind me how ardent
    zealous and keen
    committed and fervent
    we once must have been.




    Submitted on 2008-08-20 12:55:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This write to me is a crystal clear picture of your life and I have got to admit my Friend I felt you did a fantastic job with this
    You get vivid but yet to your credit not to vivid
    that I appreciate and respect
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2008-08-22 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this poem. As I was reading it, it reminded me of all these past crushes of mine and how there are songs and moments that distinctly remind me of each of them.

    The emotions portrayed in this poem are quite clear and are perfectly expressed.

    My one suggestion would be finding someway to rephrase these two lines

    'they scream of your touch
    your touch at the best times'

    your touch repeated right after the other seems to throw off the flow a bit and makes the reader do a double read for that line just to catch the flow again. But that's about it.

    Awesome job on this piece though!

    P.S. I love your profile pic
    | Posted on 2008-08-21 00:00:00 | by jaramae | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    164811

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Cover written by saartha
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Carry written by saartha
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry