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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Memorabilia.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CourtneyLynne
    ASL Info:    23/female/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 74/70/56
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 466
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 491



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemorabilia.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Evocative melodies
    they suggest all too much
    their lyrics, so blistering
    they scream of your touch
    your love at the best times
    when our breath was hot
    when heat was too great
    those times meant a lot
    but at times like right now
    when my heart is quite dead
    they rip at my mind
    and beat at my head
    remind me how ardent
    zealous and keen
    committed and fervent
    we once must have been.




    Submitted on 2008-08-20 12:55:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This write to me is a crystal clear picture of your life and I have got to admit my Friend I felt you did a fantastic job with this
    You get vivid but yet to your credit not to vivid
    that I appreciate and respect
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2008-08-22 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this poem. As I was reading it, it reminded me of all these past crushes of mine and how there are songs and moments that distinctly remind me of each of them.

    The emotions portrayed in this poem are quite clear and are perfectly expressed.

    My one suggestion would be finding someway to rephrase these two lines

    'they scream of your touch
    your touch at the best times'

    your touch repeated right after the other seems to throw off the flow a bit and makes the reader do a double read for that line just to catch the flow again. But that's about it.

    Awesome job on this piece though!

    P.S. I love your profile pic
    | Posted on 2008-08-21 00:00:00 | by jaramae | [ Reply to This ]


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