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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Random Points from the Bar Room Christdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: tjsmith5
    ASL Info:    28/m/MS
    Elite Ratio:    5.49 - 109/231/124
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 496
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 739



    Description:
       


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    dotsRandom Points from the Bar Room Christdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A good woman is surely nice
    But you can be happy without them
    And shame on your sorry ass
    If youíve got one
    That just doesnít care.

    Everyone knows
    Itís the devilís world
    But for everything I allow
    I stop 1,000 from happening,
    Yet we still hear it everyday.

    Maybe your attempt
    At changing the world
    Could be better spent
    By changing yourself;
    Though I am not sure how, exactly.

    I know youíve heard it before
    And you think itís bullshit:
    But it really does take a
    Bigger man
    To walk away.

    I like bourbon & subtle rambling too.




    Submitted on 2008-08-22 20:00:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      thoughts...

    in the first stanza, is it the the sorry ass that doesn't care? or is it the good woman? that was a little confusing. I mean it could go both ways, I am just not sure of the intent.

    The tenses seem to keep changing...

    A good woman is surely nice
    But you can be happy without (them)

    I was gonna say (one) though that is used later. You could just drop it completely and leave it at w/out...

    In the 2nd stanza it goes from I to we... (who is the we)?

    I know these are minor things, I am just trying to get the intent.

    great title by the way and it kinda leads me into
    those ramblings that one might start on a stool.

    I really like the message though, as I think it starts with the individual. If more people really took a look at who they were and how they behaved and thought and acted, realizing there is cause and effect, perhaps things could be different. I mean hell, if you smile at someone, chances are, they will smile back. There is always an act and a reaction... (just mumblings here but...)

    And yeah, sometimes one has to walk away (man or woman) yet sometimes it is a hard thing to do (case in point).

    I really like the last line.
    | Posted on 2008-08-22 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


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