[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Random Points from the Bar Room Christdots

    Author: tjsmith5
    ASL Info:    28/m/MS
    Elite Ratio:    5.49 - 109/231/124
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 492
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 739


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRandom Points from the Bar Room Christdots

    A good woman is surely nice
    But you can be happy without them
    And shame on your sorry ass
    If youíve got one
    That just doesnít care.

    Everyone knows
    Itís the devilís world
    But for everything I allow
    I stop 1,000 from happening,
    Yet we still hear it everyday.

    Maybe your attempt
    At changing the world
    Could be better spent
    By changing yourself;
    Though I am not sure how, exactly.

    I know youíve heard it before
    And you think itís bullshit:
    But it really does take a
    Bigger man
    To walk away.

    I like bourbon & subtle rambling too.

    Submitted on 2008-08-22 20:00:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    in the first stanza, is it the the sorry ass that doesn't care? or is it the good woman? that was a little confusing. I mean it could go both ways, I am just not sure of the intent.

    The tenses seem to keep changing...

    A good woman is surely nice
    But you can be happy without (them)

    I was gonna say (one) though that is used later. You could just drop it completely and leave it at w/out...

    In the 2nd stanza it goes from I to we... (who is the we)?

    I know these are minor things, I am just trying to get the intent.

    great title by the way and it kinda leads me into
    those ramblings that one might start on a stool.

    I really like the message though, as I think it starts with the individual. If more people really took a look at who they were and how they behaved and thought and acted, realizing there is cause and effect, perhaps things could be different. I mean hell, if you smile at someone, chances are, they will smile back. There is always an act and a reaction... (just mumblings here but...)

    And yeah, sometimes one has to walk away (man or woman) yet sometimes it is a hard thing to do (case in point).

    I really like the last line.
    | Posted on 2008-08-22 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Records I written by Raphael
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]