Well, I just got done watching a movie called Mirror Mask. The movie is Very interesting and it made me look over my life.
You see the movie was about a girl going through some trebulations while her mother was in the hospital, because she thought that it was her fault, simply because while she was angry with her mother she had told her "I wish I was." answering her mothers statement "Helena, you'll be the death of me."
She had gone to sleep that night and when she woke up she was in a completely different and much more Bizarre world. (little did she know at first that she had drawn this world) She first ran into three characters, one playing a fiddle, and the other two were juggling. The fiddler and one of the jugglers had been caught by the "darkness" and they disintergrated. Whilst Helena and the other juggler (I forgot his name) made their escape.
She later realized that when she looked through windows she could see her room. Just about everytime she looked into a window she seen herself, only it wasn't her. You see the girl she was seeing had been arguing with her father, tearing things apart, starting fires, and doing her worst. The girl who had been doing all of this had been the Dark Queen's (from the world she had drawn) Daughter. Helena was caught and she didn't know what to do.
She found out that she was to look for a "Charm". To wake the White Queen. The white queen was basically the good version of the dark queen. Such as helena's ugly little half that was out destroying her "real" world. Anyway, searched and searched for this charm and come to find out (after the juggler turned her in to the dark queen) that the Charm was the Mirror Mask. Also she found out that the mask was hidden in the Dark Helena's room. (She knew this, because Helena herself would have hid it in her own room).
She eventually made it to a window and Stopped the Dark Helena from destroying her world completely and the White queen (her mother) woke up. It was a very strange story but it made me think a lot about life. And the balance between them.
You see. I have done some VERY bad things in my past. I have done drugs, drank alcohol, and smoked until I couldn't smoke anymore. I have stolen, beat people up and hurt people's feelings by using words and making them feel two inches tall. I was not always a nice person. But, I have NEVER been a completely BAD PERSON. In order for that to happen, I would have had to only do bad things, and not let the things that I did, bother me. You see though, The things that I have done in my past do bother me and I regret a lot.
Drugs for instance, I will never do drugs again as long as I live. Life isn't worth living in a haze. Or being so fucked up you don't realize what is going on. You will never get anywhere if you do all that all the time. Trust me.
I started off life as a teenager as a drunken thief(who never stole from friends), who did a lot of drugs, smoked a lot of cigarettes and beat the hell out of anyone who had the balls to hit me first.
Being a thief. That wasn't hard to quit, I had watched several people that I had known and were very close to go to jail and even prison because of thievery. I had not wanted to be one of them. So that was it, I quit stealing, just like that. I had been a "good girl" for the most part and hadn't been through the court system yet, and I wanted to keep it that way.
Doing Drugs. It wasn't hard to quit either. The problem I had with drugs was, when I was younger. I was a sheep. And people could "herd me" in with the rest of the Sheep. I am ashamed to say it, but I was a follower. I was someone who thought "If they are doing it, it must be good". Sure enough, the people that had drugs on them, around them or even were caught in the wrong place at the wrong time ended up going to jail because of the drugs. Again, thankfully I wasn't one of those people, but, even that didn't stop me from doing them. What had stopped me from doing them was a really bad trip with some acid. I had thought that I was going to die. That is how I felt, and I NEVER wanted to feel that way again, so I decided no more, I can't deal with this shit. and I was done.
Drinking. One of the Hardest damn things I have ever quit in my life. I was a party animal and I drank just about any liquor, beer, any alcohol I could see. I had been doing this for years. Since before I even turned 13. I was an Alcoholic (don't tell me alcoholics go to AA) I was addicted to drinking and partying. I grew up around people drinking so it wasn't anything for me to find alcohol. I drank whenever I could sneak it when my parents wouldn't know at first. Then as I had gotten older, I did it freely and openly. Hell, I didn't care and neither did they anymore. They simply said "Don't get in trouble. We're not bailing you out of jail." One day while I was drinking I was bragging up and down that I had never been through the court system, that I had never been caught by the cops. I never knocked on wood that day. Sure enough, I (thanks to police) ended up in the E.R. with Alcohol poisoning and I had had a seizure. If it weren't for the poisoning and the seizure I would have gone to jail. 3 years later, I did. For not ever paying that M.I.P. ticket, for 5 days.
That was the first time I went to jail. I thought it would be my last.
Oh how wrong was I.
My attitude. I have always had an attitude. One that revels many in hastings that are roughly my age. I am a bitch and I have fought many a person to prove it. There have been times that I have even had to deal with the police, but, I had never gotten arrested, because I had ALWAYS let them hit me, before I had hit them. As long as they hit you first It's self-defence.... Right? Wrong. And Oh How wrong, I found out I was. My ex-boyfriend and I had gotten into a little quarrel... at first it was simply a verbal fight. Basically who could make who feel worse. All because his wifie(whom he had been separated with) showed up at the house that I happened to be in. She doesn't like me and for good reason that I will not go into right now. Anyway, She basically told My ex to get rid of me now or she would divorce him, so What is the first thing he does? He hits me in the chest. Now he is 6'3'' and weighs roughly 250lbs. When I moved to him I shoved him so he hit me again, this time in the shoulder. I hit the ground, I got up and shoved him again. He through me into a bookcase. Then I got really pissed. Instead of shoving him, I decked him in the face and busted his lip open. That night I went to jail for Domestic assault for 3 weeks. He had to have stitches on the inside of his lip.
Smoking. The dangerous habit to quit. I quit smoking three days ago. Need I say more? If I do you might want to re-read the part about my attitude again. Although I am really trying to keep it under wraps. I will keep you all posted on how the not smoking is working. I quit cold turkey. FUN FUN!
Now, see, there it proves that I have done some VERY BAD things in my life. The thing is, during all of what I have told you, I didn't once tell you the good either. Just to make me seem like an awful wretch. Now you will see how much balance there is in my life.
I have been the evil, vindictive, coniving, bitch from hell. But, I have also been the sweet, innocent, carring, gentle girl too. When it comes to my family and friends. They know in a heart beat that I would drop just about anything to help them.
When My mother was sick, and I was a rebellious teenager (mind you I don't much get a long with my mother) I helped her. I was always kind to her, because I love her. She and I don't always get a long, but if anything is wrong with her you better hope the world comes to an end before my father and I get to you, because if he doesn't put you in intensive care, I will.
Then there are OLD FRIENDS (people I will never call friend again) that If I had been walking by their house and they needed something done or they were doing something and no one else was helping them, I would have been the first to say "Do you need help?" and then I would have started helping reguardless of if they wanted the help or not. They are disabled people. I loved to help them and I had been friends with them for a long time. Never again though, they betrayed me. I still love them dearly but, I can never trust them ever again.
I will always help someone who is close to me. Someone even if I don't know them that well, if they are loved or Very close to someone I am close to, they can consider themselves watched over. Someone will always be there for them. My newest friend from Texas, my little "Texas Hottie", she found that out, when I was with her at the hospital for 6 hours and never left her, except to smoke or get her food (which she wasn't supposed to have).
I am a good person. But, even good people have a bad side or even bad tendencies. Some people can over come those tendencies. But there are others who just need a little help.