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    dots Submission Name: Walnut St. ---dots

    Author: max
    ASL Info:    27 m tennessee
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 152/191/55
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 753
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 760

       A memory of getting exercise.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWalnut St. ---dots

    Walnut St.

    the houses are long and narrow with
    trees lining, big elms and cedars in
    the night, riding. Pedaling and breathing
    fast as the moon approaches, to be
    close to the heart, and close to home finally.

    And to dream?.....

    the chasteness of her demeanor always
    meant so much, because she knew
    how to look at you in that way
    and when your eyes met, as they do
    there's an understanding about her.

    when one is often at the helm, for days
    and sleep is fleeting and flimsy,
    the mind is always going, forever,
    and the last thought before that summer
    night's rest comes, is of her.

    Submitted on 2008-08-23 01:10:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      a very nice piece. i enjoyed this very much, the way you wrote this gives a sentimental nostalgic feeling, a feeling a man at sea would have for his home where him and his love live. i liked how this ended with "the last thought . . . is of her," just how the night ends for the poem's character. for me, it would add to the piece if, at the beginning, you manifested his driving desire to be home in some way in the surroundings you described that pass by. like maybe the trees and stuff are zooming by yet unchanging, as if really going nowhere, so it feels that no matter how fast he travels home, it's not fast enough...i don't know, just a thought that came to me while reading. again, good job.
    | Posted on 2008-08-23 00:00:00 | by bkj43 | [ Reply to This ]
      im wondering what one is often at the helm of...? a ship? life? the mind?
    there is possibility for many things when i read it which makes this piece wonderful...

    and the way it comes back to her. in a beautiful, longing kind of way. whether she is in your life but you are seperated by waters, borders, suburbs, whatever or whether she is a memory from the past that you like to hold on to... it always comes back to her...

    | Posted on 2008-08-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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