Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Future We've Builtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ayane
    ASL Info:    17/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 71/128/60
    Words: 498
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 778
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3165



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Future We've Builtdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Slipping through the satin ribbons, champagne glasses, brightened laughter

    Obsessed with this vision that I'm meaning something

    Wave and smile, wave and smile, let us dance into the sun

    Taken to the marble floor, flowing music, we fly so high

    Touching stars and dust, nothing is darkened

    I spin and stare at the unreality



    Marble shatters, I fall through to the real

    Now I can see what you've meant all this time

    We'd traded our lives for a gilded guillotine

    Satin ribbons turn to dust, champagne to Whiskey and Gin

    Leering laughter as I stumble into this world of real

    All faces look suspicious, and I'm shaking, I'm reeling

    I can't believe these things that I'm feeling

    And now I can feel your pain, I'm sorry I now see



    I know that everyone is here, but I turn and they turn as well

    Everyone I looked up to once shed their skins to become the villains

    Heroes turn to ash in burning flames of the undead and I'm cast out

    And now I can feel your pain, I'm sorry I now see

    Your children are dying for your lost causes and crimson eyes with green lined pockets



    I'm thinking I'm crazy as I stand here in the red

    Staring at castles crashing and falling into dark

    Flames taking their place, casting shadows to the broken sky

    Organs chime death and laugh darkly in their sick humor at failed attempts

    Heavied footsteps march to our deaths 1-2-and-3 Turn. Gunshots fire

    Trading neckties for nooses, and wedding bands for weapons

    Blame has been given the name Murder as we carve our coffins and point our broken fingers

    Shadows fall from towers with arms outstrechted casting crosses against the walls



    This world of fire and brimstone, fabricated from your sermons of damnation

    Finally coming to surface under your supervision

    This place you called Redemption, a land of forgiveness

    Who're the villains of the damned in your eyes now?

    You children that cower, look at what we've made for you

    Intake the breath of smoke and vision of the reality we've worked so hard to create for you



    I want to say goodbye. I wish to leave but everywhere else is gone

    I shead my first tears of malice and cry for a future that will never be

    Now I can see your pain, I'm sorry I now see

    God save us, God save us we've blown out your candles

    But they won't stop us. They can't hold us

    I won't give up, the end is so much closer than it was before

    I know this night will one day end

    Without us or not




    Submitted on 2008-08-23 04:01:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was great.
    As I was reading it I could feel every emotion that you were conveying and it was captivating.

    "This world of fire and brimstone, fabricated from your sermons of damnation

    Finally coming to surface under your supervision

    This place you called Redemption, a land of forgiveness

    Who're the villains of the damned in your eyes now?

    You children that cower, look at what we've made for you

    Intake the breath of smoke and vision of the reality we've worked so hard to create for you"

    That part is amazing, as was the whole piece.
    Great write.

    -E.R
    | Posted on 2009-01-04 00:00:00 | by KillSpoon | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow... This is an extremely deep and sorrowful rad. Many images of battles in fruitless wars and sorrowful children looking down at coffins flashed in my mind as I read this. Vibrant and dark, a tantalizing combination. Bravo.

    Shadow
    | Posted on 2008-12-07 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]
      Good Gracious ! Man you flow was ill. 10 points. Here are some of my favorite lines in it.

    Shadows fall from towers with arms outstrechted casting crosses against the walls


    know this night will one day end
    Without us or not

    You painted a very vivid picture with your words and the end was just tight. Very deep and inspiring . Thank you for sharing.
    | Posted on 2008-08-25 00:00:00 | by wordyb | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    164905

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bond written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Linger written by saartha
    To written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Incubus written by monad
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Giving written by jjd
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Push written by JanePlane
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry