Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In View of Utter Griefdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The Gadfly
    ASL Info:    52/M/Moreno Valley, CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.55 - 1048/1348/375
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 662
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 646



    Description:
       A sonnet about grief.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn View of Utter Griefdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Who has not stared in disbelief
    upon the stark and empty chair
    which now, in view of utter grief,

    seems cold and cruel and bitter-bare?
    The open wound cannot congeal,
    left unattended through despair.

    Observe the slightest brush can peel
    and pull upon the closing scar
    regardless of the look or feel.

    This pain, in loss, however far
    removed from tragedy’s dark spree;
    a ship lodged fast upon this spar,

    may yet release from starboard lee
    down tributaries to the sea.




    The Gadfly




    Submitted on 2008-08-23 06:46:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      47 views and no comments?? Tut, tut! Right, I shall give you mine:

    I liked this piece. I thought it was quite original and I liked the language you used. I felt "upon the stark and empty chair" was a nice line.

    The structure puzzled me a little though, it seemed disjointed and didn't flow properly, but perhaps this is a style of writing I'm not familiar with.

    Alex
    | Posted on 2008-12-09 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    164910

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry