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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: beginnings...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CourtneyLynne
    ASL Info:    23/female/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 74/70/56
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 485
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 833



    Description:
       meh. blah. pft.

    (yeah, that's a description. )


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbeginnings...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Novice of love,
    how life seems so drab.
    when voices grab at your ears
    and pour salt on the wounds.
    Novice of love,
    your heart pounds so hard
    whenever he smiles,
    when his eyes catch yours.
    Novice of love,
    no matter what you say,
    he’ll never love you back,
    he’ll never love the same.
    Novice of love,
    you reach out anyway,
    that heart you hold out
    is stabbed at all day.
    Novice of love,
    you can’t help but cry
    as the last candle dims
    for his heart turns away.
    Novice of love,
    you think you can heal
    with only the time?
    it’s not what you’ll find.
    Novice of love,
    someday you’ll learn
    that heartache comes fast
    and takes forever to burn.




    Submitted on 2008-08-26 02:15:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Novice of love..this got me thinking, is it okay to say master of love?..novice-inexperience, unprofessional...ignorant.. Good expression.

    The repetition puts a point forward...like you're saying, 'you know nothing about love, never been at it..."

    voices grab at your ears- you are forced to hear
    pour salt on the wounds- healing offered though painfully...
    Good images here, i enjoy images.

    A pity for the novice who keeps giving but gets a blank response. I used to feel like that at one time, and I am sure so many feel like that, though they need not.

    The last line contains things that I refuse to agree with
    "that heartache comes fast
    and takes forever to burn."

    Heartache may come unprecedented but it does not need to last longer than you let it...

    Jesus says in Isaiah 61:1 "The Spirit of the Lord Jehovah is on Me; ... He has sent Me to bind up the broken-hearted..."

    A heartbreak need not burn forever when Jesus came to bind it up.

    All the best,
    God bless,
    Joel.


    | Posted on 2008-08-27 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]
      Pouring salt on wounds is cliché as I'm sure you're aware the rest of the poem fairs differently however as you endevored to paint longing and reject and found sucess. Yeah it sucks pretty bad to nto haveyour feelings returned but that is a fact of the act of attraction. It's so much more fun to have longing unfullfilled than it is to seek the truth to have a crush rather than be crushed. I found as I age that those moments created in me something passionate it gave life mystery and how i longed for longing. But I stopped doing things that way. I decided be blunt be honest. It relieves in some ways and hurts in others but it's better in the end.
    take care
    | Posted on 2008-08-26 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful in such a simple way that it seems to more deep meaning than is displayed outwardly.. I love the term "novice of love" which was repeated throughout the piece, and though repitition can get redundant it didn't here.. The only suggestion I can make is check your rhyming scheme as in some stanzas you have rhymed very nicely while others don't rhyme at all and it kind of threw me off a little.. Nice job otherwise..

    May the goddess keep you safe,

    Tiffany aka Maskannai
    | Posted on 2008-08-26 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]


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