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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A letter to my lost one.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xXCptn_SephyXx
    ASL Info:    22/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 46/119/104
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 946
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 400



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA letter to my lost one.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear hope,
    Left me floating in a sea of despair, you did.
    After all that we had gone though,
    Thought there would be a chance to touch the light,
    But I was sadly mistaken.
    You rescued me for but a month--
    Then threw everything away,
    Like a piece of used litter carelessly tossed out of a car window;
    Left in the dirt to pollute nature.




    Submitted on 2008-08-26 18:53:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a powerful rendition of what everyone becomes when abandoning hope. I beg to differ with the line,"Then threw everything a way." Hope does not abandon us, we abandon hope.
    I think the poem would be more eye appealing if next to last line ended with 'tossed ' and "out of a car window" become the next to last line. This will give a sense of intrigue, as cranial thought asks the eye from or where is that something tossed as the eye supplies the answer after traveling to that next to last line.
    | Posted on 2008-08-27 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      typo- line three : through*

    This is deep, very emotional. You sounded very betrayed and disappointed.

    The form, a letter, shows the distance that even now, hope is not with you, she is gone. Letters are very expressive, because people pour out their heart. Great usage of that form.

    The last line was saddening..I do not beieve anyone out there is "Left in the dirt to pollute nature. "
    No, there is redemption for all, arms wide open, crown of thorns, red with blood- He said 'let me become the dirt, so you can become clean'.

    Hope never runs dry. Hope can be lost if we let it go.

    You are not abandoned, look- hope is there where you are.

    All the best,
    Joel.
    | Posted on 2008-08-27 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]


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