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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: All things beingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 64/90/75
    Words: 274
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 737
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1936



    Description:
       But, of all these
    I'd wish to be
    Is the rock
    Who sits there
    Being stronger than me


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAll things beingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wither me,
    bake me;
    As i sit atop this hill.
    Beat me in the basking sun.
    My skin so cold,
    and still...

    Trees are dieing all around;
    The grass is tainted,
    Golden brown.
    And the worms,
    are sheltered beneathe me.
    And the leaves come tumbling,
    Atop me.

    Sit and stare,
    feel and breathe:
    A rock needs neither,
    either of these.
    But oh how it longs,
    and wishes to be,
    something worth while,
    Like a breathing tree.

    Walk and graze,
    run and play;
    While the tree is stuck:
    To observe the day.
    And oh how this tree,
    Wishes to be,
    Like the deer running free,
    and away...

    Pounce with stride,
    sleep relaxed,
    The deer knows better;
    He knows the facts:
    He must run from the gun,
    And scavange for food.
    And oh how he wishes,
    to be somehting new.
    Like the lioness pride,
    Who can walk with stride,
    And finally get to relax.
    No worry to watch his back.

    Like all of these,
    we all wish to be:
    Something that's better,
    And stronger and free.
    It's all in a circle,
    It all goes around,
    Like the rock, tree, deer,
    And the lion i found.
    But we don't realize,
    That we're all better off.
    Because without us as us:
    We'd all get lost.
    You be you.
    'Cause no one else can.
    Nobody knows:
    The backs of your hands.
    No one else knows,
    How you survive.
    Like all things being,
    At least we're alive.
    And i wouldn't if i was you,
    Or the deer,
    Or the lion, or tree,
    Because no matter how much i wish...
    I'm best,
    At being me.




    Submitted on 2008-08-27 03:10:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this would be interesting as a children's story, complete with colourful cartoon deer and rocks and trees.

    Seriously, if you gave it a bit more detail you could make it into a story.

    Yes, dieing is dying, and beneath does not have an e at the end, but I thought this was neat in a simple but truthful sort of way.

    soul-hugger
    | Posted on 2010-07-17 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      Applause Applause Applause... This is great for me to read considering I wrote a similar poem but it isn't as good as this-it's called "I am not Shakespeare".

    Your quite good at using images and then you moved from image to image yet keeping each image tied up with the others..the rock, the tree, the deer, the lion.

    Your words are powerful...yet simple and clear, very effective

    "Wither me,
    bake me;"

    Gah...I am lost for words, beautiful piece. You may however want to check the spelling of dieing- i think it should be dying.

    I remembered this verse-

    Psa 61:2 From the end of the earth I cry to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the Rock higher than I. - immovable, strong, eternal is the Rock of Ages- Jesus Christ.


    Good write.

    All the best,
    Joel
    | Posted on 2008-08-27 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]


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