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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I love my daddydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: NixLacus
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 5/11/24
    Words: 250
    Class/Type: Poetry/Trapped
    Total Views: 502
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1479



    Description:
       I was asked to write a poem and the theme was being trapped so this is about a girl being trapped in a house with an abusive father she is in denial at first as she is only 4 and that is the only thing she knows, that is how she thinks her father shows his love but then later she sees how it is supposed to be.


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    dotsI love my daddydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I live here
    I live in a house
    I like my room
    My daddy says itís the best place for me
    I love my daddy

    I am 4
    I have blonde hair
    I am a girl
    I have a black mark here
    This is where my daddy grabbed me
    I had lost his favourite toy
    I love my daddy

    My daddy plays games with me
    He always wins
    Daddy doesnít like to lose
    I donít mind
    I love my daddy

    My daddy gave me this red mark
    He burnt me
    Daddy says I shouldnít play with hot things
    I love my daddy

    Daddy treats mummy and me the same
    I know that means he loves us
    My daddy loves me
    I know
    I love my daddy

    How does your daddy treat you?

    Here I am again
    In my new house
    With a new room
    With a new daddy
    I hate my old daddy

    I am now 14
    Still with blonde hair
    And still a girl
    But no more black marks
    No more daddy
    Iím so happy now
    I hate my old daddy

    My new daddy hugs me
    Lets me win at games
    I have a new brother
    A new life
    A better life
    I hate my old daddy

    My new daddy loves me
    And loves mum
    No more bruises
    No more burns
    No more daddy
    I hate my old daddy

    I am so glad my daddy is gone




    Submitted on 2008-08-28 14:28:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It was pretty good, I really liked it. I am into storys about abuse, and your story gave a clear view of how a child often feels about a abusive parent. its true that they are often confused as a young child and can't tell what is happening to them is wrong cause they don't know any better untiel they are older and see how other parents treat their children. But I think that maybe a few more words and a bit more feeling could have been put into it. It sorrta lacks feeling. I really enjoyed it, but when reading over it, i couldn't feel the saddness of the story. I wasn't able to the feel the pain and confustion the girl was going through. Verses often help people feel what the character is feeling with few words, but we have to choose our words wisely and make sure that they have emotion. I think that if you put more into it, just a little more, it would be a five star story. You did a great job though, I really did enjoy it.
    | Posted on 2008-08-28 00:00:00 | by grimmreaper | [ Reply to This ]


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