Description: perhaps unfinished, I am not sure yet, seems to be missing something.
Night Lives. -------------------------------------------
Each touch a burning serenade
to willful woeful prose,
mimic sweet serentity
from head right down to toes.
With the way you sing and sigh
you tremble just with this
you can’t escape the levity
that comes with whispered kiss.
buoyant with our frantic flames
piquant sharp and fresh;
boiling in our veins tonight
we’ll linger on our flesh.
Stretching out the dulcet hours
our skin becomes a mush;
melting into one from two
caught on lips too lush.
Curling toes and clenching fists
cast in charismatic vivid lights
a myriad of wilted waves
taking what’s within our rights.
Wow, very impressive. Brilliant use of alliterations and all. Good descriptions and word choice. You created a brilliant picture in the mind of the reader. This could have been much better though. The rhymes did not seem to fit in naturally into this and seemed slightly forced. The structure, also, is not one that depends primarily on rhymes. If I may, I would advise you to write more freely in that sense and not restrict yourself with these rhymes. The first set of rhyming lines, I felt, need the most work. A little punctuation would also greatly help improve the flow of the poem. Besides that , I don't think I can offer any other help. On the whole , very well written. Keep writing and sharing.