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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Night Lives.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CourtneyLynne
    ASL Info:    23/female/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 74/70/56
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 515
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 712



    Description:
       perhaps unfinished, I am not sure yet, seems to be missing something.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNight Lives.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Each touch a burning serenade
    to willful woeful prose,
    mimic sweet serentity
    from head right down to toes.
    With the way you sing and sigh
    you tremble just with this
    you can’t escape the levity
    that comes with whispered kiss.
    buoyant with our frantic flames
    piquant sharp and fresh;
    boiling in our veins tonight
    we’ll linger on our flesh.
    Stretching out the dulcet hours
    our skin becomes a mush;
    melting into one from two
    caught on lips too lush.
    Curling toes and clenching fists
    cast in charismatic vivid lights
    a myriad of wilted waves
    taking what’s within our rights.




    Submitted on 2008-08-28 16:17:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, very impressive. Brilliant use of alliterations and all. Good descriptions and word choice. You created a brilliant picture in the mind of the reader. This could have been much better though. The rhymes did not seem to fit in naturally into this and seemed slightly forced. The structure, also, is not one that depends primarily on rhymes. If I may, I would advise you to write more freely in that sense and not restrict yourself with these rhymes. The first set of rhyming lines, I felt, need the most work. A little punctuation would also greatly help improve the flow of the poem. Besides that , I don't think I can offer any other help. On the whole , very well written. Keep writing and sharing.


    Abbas
    | Posted on 2008-08-28 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


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