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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Entice Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The Conqueror
    ASL Info:    21/female/Missouri
    Elite Ratio:    3.48 - 178/204/42
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 939
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 543



    Description:
       It needs some work... I tried to put as much vigor and true heated passion in it as possibe. I think I probably need to write with more imagery. What do you guys think? Suggestions?


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    dotsEntice Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Entice me, Sweet, with spoken words
    with secrets of the tongue, defile
    break the tide of longing stirred
    by passion in your deadly smile

    Caress me, Love, with soft demands
    I'll breach the tempest in your eye
    I yearn to grasp your fleeting hand
    to catch you once before you fly

    Seduce me, Dear, with ardent calls
    we'll siege the gates that cross between
    and when all around us darkness falls
    we'll whisper of the light we've seen




    Submitted on 2008-08-28 21:46:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      o.O This is... EXACTLY how I'd like to describe my thoughts. I'm still clumsy with my words though... But this piece is... GREAT! I like it!
    | Posted on 2011-01-23 00:00:00 | by ShadowsnLights | [ Reply to This ]
      I think if you put more passion and imagery into this piece, it will be bordering on the erotic !

    It all boils down to what you want to achieve with your writing. More imagery, leaves less to the imagination.

    One of the skills to writing.....is to find a way to get the reader wanting more. Hence your first two comments. That should tell you something very clear.

    Your style is as usual, tight, but loose, and your form....welll I have told you before, your talent is quite breathtaking at times.

    The capitalisation of every third word is effective.......Sweet - Love - Dear....very entincing, which fits perfectly with the first word of your poem 'Entice'.

    Do us all a favour and leave us all wanting more !!!!!!!

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2008-09-08 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with Ron that i would love to have more to read.. though what you have written speaks volumes!

    Liz
    | Posted on 2008-08-29 00:00:00 | by informations | [ Reply to This ]
      This is delightful! I wouldn't change a thing! I wish it were longer; I love that pleading tone with subtle passion!

    You have a spelling error I humbly, chastely point out; tongue (the most dynamic love organ (I'm referring to speech!), when driven by a caring, sensual, and loving intellect!

    Nice work, lovely lady!
    | Posted on 2008-08-28 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


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