[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Letters to the earthdots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 137/243/158
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 775
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 782


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLetters to the earthdots

    Submit me your voices, your legend,
    Where the God of ancient pillars,
    Crumbling red stone from his lips,
    Smiled to his hands, loving, carnivorous.

    A word, uttered from in-between
    Of the pygmy brushes, perverted magic
    Upon the wooden masks
    Blistering sagged breasts -
    Ailing pink, worth both artistic
    And bridal commitments,
    Blinking through tinted ivory.

    And where earth caught his foot
    And threw it back one more time
    To her archenemy and continuation,
    I stood, violent-cramping my throat,
    Ready for home flights; instant messaging;

    Another letter of revelation,
    Or merely would-Be? Would.
    Bee, bee, be! Me.

    Submitted on 2008-08-29 15:40:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    I enjoy how your writing paints pictures in my mind.

    This certain peice: woods, moss, and a damp smell. Harsh woods, the kind that would mute your screams and swallow you whole as if you never existed.

    | Posted on 2009-01-13 00:00:00 | by EpsilonpsiiChi | [ Reply to This ]
      Your opening lines become quite committed with the word 'carnivorous'. I will admit it is difficult to see how you may have started so strongly, though, it sets a tone to be followed with the following lines.

    Then, in lines 15-16, you seem to describe a visit, as if you are leaving a stranger, different place, and finally returning to your 'home'. The words 'instant messaging' dont seem to have too much to do with 'God of ancient pillars'...

    An interesting piece of writing, I think perhaps a bit too complicated to understand without a bit of background information. When you look back at historic poets, read their writing, their letters, you can pinpoint portions of their life, and work towards an association of their writing. I see you left out a 'description', while not necessary, it always helps. Im sure you agree, it would be nice if a few more of those 30-odd people who have viewed your poem so far to have left a suggestion or comment.

    All in all, great piece of writing, very provoking.
    | Posted on 2009-01-09 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Giving written by jjd
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Push written by JanePlane
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]