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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Letters to the earthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 137/243/158
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 813
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 782



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLetters to the earthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Submit me your voices, your legend,
    Where the God of ancient pillars,
    Crumbling red stone from his lips,
    Smiled to his hands, loving, carnivorous.

    A word, uttered from in-between
    Of the pygmy brushes, perverted magic
    Upon the wooden masks
    Blistering sagged breasts -
    Ailing pink, worth both artistic
    And bridal commitments,
    Blinking through tinted ivory.

    And where earth caught his foot
    And threw it back one more time
    To her archenemy and continuation,
    I stood, violent-cramping my throat,
    Ready for home flights; instant messaging;

    Another letter of revelation,
    Or merely would-Be? Would.
    Bee, bee, be! Me.






    Submitted on 2008-08-29 15:40:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    I enjoy how your writing paints pictures in my mind.

    This certain peice: woods, moss, and a damp smell. Harsh woods, the kind that would mute your screams and swallow you whole as if you never existed.

    | Posted on 2009-01-13 00:00:00 | by EpsilonpsiiChi | [ Reply to This ]
      Your opening lines become quite committed with the word 'carnivorous'. I will admit it is difficult to see how you may have started so strongly, though, it sets a tone to be followed with the following lines.

    Then, in lines 15-16, you seem to describe a visit, as if you are leaving a stranger, different place, and finally returning to your 'home'. The words 'instant messaging' dont seem to have too much to do with 'God of ancient pillars'...

    An interesting piece of writing, I think perhaps a bit too complicated to understand without a bit of background information. When you look back at historic poets, read their writing, their letters, you can pinpoint portions of their life, and work towards an association of their writing. I see you left out a 'description', while not necessary, it always helps. Im sure you agree, it would be nice if a few more of those 30-odd people who have viewed your poem so far to have left a suggestion or comment.

    All in all, great piece of writing, very provoking.
    Tony
    | Posted on 2009-01-09 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]


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