Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blocked Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: essence of life
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 33/38/21
    Words: 276
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 585
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1534



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlocked Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A mind as sharp as harden adamant.

    A heart more pure then gold.

    As handsome as any movie star. But in his eyes you see nothing.

    Eyes cold as snow with visions of the world.He sees the suffering and shares your pain.

    But no one excepts him. Hes shunned from the world hoping optimistically that he'll find someone like him.

    As he searches acceptance he slowly changes inside.His hearts purity turns too dust.

    His diamond sharp mind dulls as the seconds roll past.

    As these changes happen to him without his knowledge he finds someone he believes he has everything in common she sees hes not her one.

    He lost himself in his blizzard of life and now hes all alone in the cold dulled and withered sick as he can be.

    On the day he was destined too quit he awoke and felt a stare from behind.

    He turned too face himself. He focused on the eyes and saw the snow was gone.

    The eyes that looked at him had the look of hatred he developed for the world.

    A look the world had for him.

    Then a tear crossed his cheek he was furious and blinded by hatred instead of pain he felt.

    He went numb but boiled an incredible heat as he punched the glass and watched it shatter.

    He screamed in pain and laid on the floor crying.

    When he opened is eyes and saw into the shattered glass he hated so.




    Submitted on 2008-08-30 01:27:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, reading this... I can completely connect with that. I've seen this happen to many people, and I did really enjoy reading over this, you see... I have never been able to put that affect to words, but I liked the way you put it... ALLOT!
    Just one little thing... Punctuation, I can be sort of a grammar freak, and the fact that there was no... Capitalization and no paragraphing... *shudders*
    A little red flag went up x)
    Other than that I liked how you put the ending, the last sentence was probably my favorite, so yeah... Keep it up!
    <3 lens.
    | Posted on 2008-08-31 00:00:00 | by Pinky345 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    165088

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    The World written by jjd
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Carry written by saartha
    prison written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry