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    dots Submission Name: My precious mothdots

    Author: AutumnLeaves
    ASL Info:    26/f/ Cyprus
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 95/103/44
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 883
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 911

       To a dancer...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy precious mothdots

    I remember those black nocturnal butterflies,
    They were swaying beneath the airy substance of my bed.
    If I told you,
    You are one of those creatures
    Of my sleepless past
    You would not understand.
    Yet not grasping this awareness
    Makes you what you are.
    An incomprehensible being that can not comprehend.
    Mystic like your natural colour
    A wild dancer,
    Exposing antigravity
    Disclosing the aberrant pleasure of travelling through silences,
    Losing touch of space,
    Of memory
    Of you.
    But I will not share this information,
    This story of wings
    And morbid flights.
    I will not remind you of your origins
    My precious moth,
    Antigravity will help you escape.

    Submitted on 2008-08-31 18:00:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm dittoing Isabella, there's a movement in this piece, like flitting, like moths, it's lovely and charming and a little quirky in places and I really enjoyed it...

    One small nitpick is the line 'Yet not grasping this awareness', something a little clunky, though what you're acutally saying is gorgeous, a lovely idea, so maybe, maybe, 'and somehow/this makes you who you are', maybe.

    Beneath the airy substance of my bed is a killer line, something about that which recalls drema, for me, and light moving through shadow.

    Wings and morbid flights, too, and travelling through silences, those ar punchy lines, with that movement to it, and something, again, about dark and light, I like how there's both in this piece, almost like they're dancing together.

    I will not remind you of your origins :)

    Yes. This is/was/is lovely.

    Take care,

    | Posted on 2010-02-10 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really beautiful on many levels. Interesting that you title it with moth and then go butterfly...

    'A wild dancer,
    Exposing antigravity
    Disclosing the aberrant pleasure of travelling through silences'

    really great lines here.

    'You would not understand.
    Yet not grasping this awareness
    Makes you what you are.'

    this too.

    what I really love about this is it is something my mind can picture. it leaves images flitting around. it moves.

    and, I think what I love about poetry is that the reader can make it what it needs to be for themselves (if that makes sense)... then again I always come from a subjective view.

    I guess the only thing I could say would be: yes

    I get this.
    | Posted on 2008-09-02 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

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