Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Remember Me Sweetdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LovelyGoddess
    ASL Info:    21/F/SC
    Elite Ratio:    2.69 - 138/95/104
    Words: 285
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 473
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1732



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRemember Me Sweetdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We were supposed to survive through any weather
    but since you met her, you claim it's something better.
    You're telling me it's fantasy, now you want me out?
    You said I was your chocolate, the melt in your mouth.

    I can't believe for you I was just someone handy.
    Time that it's over you claim you can't stand me.
    The memories are with us, you would leave this for lust?
    Won't think it over? You would leave me for dust?

    Let me be your candy girl for one last time.
    Remember me sweet, then make up your mind.
    Forget her baby, she is nothing but thought.
    It's back to the basics of what you've been taught.

    Let me give you what you like, you'll like what I give.
    I'll become everything and more, forget her little tricks.
    You wouldn't want another man to have me, right?
    I can keep it together. I've always kept it tight.

    For you, I allow myself to compete in this silly contest.
    I am sweet and delicious. My aura has been blessed.
    If you stay with her then you will continue to regret
    that you didn't chose the candy who tastes the best.

    You can wait and consider things in your own time
    or you can kick back and let my love make up your mind.
    Just kiss me, touch me, treat me right.
    You can always leave tomorrow, don't leave me tonight.

    I'm not a whore, but I can't let you go
    even if it means I have to stoop this low.
    Let me be your candy girl for one last time.
    Remember me sweet, then make up your mind.




    Submitted on 2008-09-03 05:19:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was a very nice piece of work. It touched me deaply because it reminded me of a girl desperate to find her love again. With a few rewrites, and fixes of the puncuation and grammar, it would be fantastic. It was not original, it feels as if you used your heart more then anything, and it makes me watch a movie through my head.
    | Posted on 2009-07-17 00:00:00 | by Kykaru | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    165232

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Carry written by saartha
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry