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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: We Had Never Metdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: entropy
    ASL Info:    19 / M / TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.25 - 8/10/11
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 520
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 624



    Description:
       I had originally posted this a while back in a different format. Someone suggested a better format in a comment and I decided to use that. I also added a bit more.

    It's short, but I hope it gets the point across.

    Comment with anything and everything. I'm looking to improve my style.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWe Had Never Metdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Everything was as it should be.
    No trash in the stream, at least that we could see.

    No haze on the horizon.
    It was stored in our lungs from the time we were young
    -and as we spoke it arose from our tongues.

    We've cured it all, no physical pain
    We stand here, now with nothing to gain.

    Children born, never to die
    In their bed's they lie for their eternal lives.

    You stand alone, the epitome of perfection.
    The crown jewel of humanity's collection.

    But in my dream-
    ...we had never met.




    Submitted on 2008-09-03 13:13:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like what you were going for. the horizon, the utopia that was all in a dream. I liked the remorse in the end, and the conviction the you would give it up all for the fact that in the perfect world, your significant other is not there. but I also feel like there should be one more stance right before the line " but in my dream..." just to tie it all together, but that could just be me. any who all and all I liked it. peace!
    | Posted on 2008-09-04 00:00:00 | by hidden lady | [ Reply to This ]


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