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    dots Submission Name: Snow Falls in the Heartdots

    Author: Swimming Bird
    ASL Info:    31/m/AR
    Elite Ratio:    5.36 - 92/90/27
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 1328
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1150

       Not exactly my forte, but something every poet at least tries to write about at some point.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSnow Falls in the Heartdots

    All covered in snow
    Such a picturesque scene,
    She's holding you tight,
    So tight you could scream.

    Everything's perfect,
    It's starting to snow.
    Like the trees in the forrest,
    Together you grow.

    As you walk hand in hand
    In that ocean so bare,
    You find a lone Iris
    Just, standing there.

    Unsure how it's possible
    It could even survive.
    Surrounded by white,
    How does it thrive?

    A more beautiful thing
    You never have seen.
    Enhanced by the snow
    And the moon's brilliant sheen.

    Afraid you'll die from all this beauty,
    You turn to her and grin.
    Her form so pure and innocent,
    You try to take it in.

    You brush your hand across her cheek,
    Become lost in her eyes.
    And in that moment which you kiss,
    You finally realize.

    It's not the snow or e'en the moon
    That makes the Iris glow,
    But the angel right beside you.
    And as you think, you know.

    Submitted on 2008-09-05 15:06:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      On the fifth stanza, in this you described her the perfect way. The most ideal..
    You're very skilled in such a way you describe her and telling your story at the same time. You said this was not your forte but damn this one is really good.
    she's very lucky whoever she is.

    | Posted on 2012-09-25 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is a beautiful poem. I love how you thoughtfully used the words to lay out a scene. Its terribly corny, movei-like in every way but still beautiful.

    I liked how you kind of took away from the girl by putting focus on this beautiful flower and then bring back the focus on her in the end.

    For something that isn't your forte, you certainly did a good job. Nice choice of words and the emotions conveyed turned out well. Hopefully you'll give writing about romance and love more of a try in the future. You certainly have great potential in that genre
    | Posted on 2008-11-12 00:00:00 | by jaramae | [ Reply to This ]
      Such a great write. Loved it all. One that really makes all girls go "Awww" at the end.
    You've got such a great talent and such a great sense of sweetness.
    That girl that your writing about in this is one lucky girl.
    Again, great write. So perfect.
    Take care
    | Posted on 2008-10-29 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]
    I wish that was me.
    I miss you Philip.
    You are my hero.
    I can't believe it's been so long since I have been on eliteskills and read your stuff. Just makes me realize how much I miss you. You are brilliant.
    Love you always and forever,
    <3 Flora
    | Posted on 2008-10-17 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. I think you are very clever in your delivery. The 5th stanza stood out to me as being extra clever. My only real criticism is that is sounds.... traditional, too much so. The piece as a whole is just a bit campy I guess is what I am saying, but that also gives it a wider apple I suppose. And though I didn't find it to be stunning, I did enjoy it a great deal. I also think it is one of those that most people will like, and those that don't will hate. To me that is the mark of good work. If everyone loves your work it means it isn't really all that good. Some either by being offended, or inspiring jeously should hate true beauty.
    | Posted on 2008-09-05 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]

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