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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lullabye Bridgedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Peace_Maker
    ASL Info:    18/M/NY
    Elite Ratio:    1.56 - 9/22/10
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 153
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 997



    Description:
       I was listening to "Creation Lake" by the Silversun Pickups, and some personal problems came up. I normally don't do poetry, but I type this down without thinking. I just...did it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLullabye Bridgedots
    -------------------------------------------


    And what does your kind say
    to those that are in black and white?
    Is it me, or have we lost connection
    from what's wrong and right.
    A wooden bridge from one to the other,
    only now engulfed in a blazing fire.
    Think of it no more as it takes hold,
    the cold grasp of our natures gone to melted gold.
    Set it free, my friend
    Deep into the ocean of my head.
    A dream where daylight fades,
    it seems only I shall stay.


    Now tell me, old friend.
    Is the sky purest of blue?
    But no, darkness over came
    and still the bridge remains the same.
    Hope can be seen far and wide,
    yet he still cries.
    Hypocrite, the god says
    royalty he is not.
    All that matters is,
    that we make amends.



    Now tell me, old friend.
    Will I ever waken from this lullabye bridge?










    Submitted on 2008-09-07 05:17:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Heeey. You added more since the last time I read it. And changed some things as well. It's even better. More descriptive, more...sensual.

    My fave lines would be:

    "A dream where daylight fades,
    it seems only I shall stay."

    And...

    "Hypocrite, the god says
    royalty he is not.
    All that matters is,
    that we make amends."

    It says exactly what it needs to, though I'm not sure many ppl actually know who/what you're talking about. That's what comes w/ writing, as you put it, "random [censored]" or "crappy poetry." Lol.

    It's obvious you won't be writing crappy poetry in the least. Look at all the comments you've received so far!

    Talk to you whenever.


    Mojy :)
    | Posted on 2008-09-08 00:00:00 | by mojymo | [ Reply to This ]
      ...IT WAS AWESUM :D
    DELICIOUS IT WAS
    YEAH, DELICIOUS...THAT'S WHAT I SAID
    KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK ;)
    all the best -
    grace.
    | Posted on 2008-09-07 00:00:00 | by MINTPATTY | [ Reply to This ]
      This makes my poetry look like a peice of [censored].

    I never knew you could write poetry like this. This is absolutely...well, really good. The vocabulary you've chosen is great, and it flows with the piece fairly well.

    Every line in this piece is very well put, and it took me a while to pick out my favorite ones.

    "Now tell me, old friend.
    Is the sky purest of blue?
    But no, darkness over came
    and still the bridge remains the same."

    Those are my favorite lines out of the piece. It seems that the person is losing hope.

    Overall, again, this is a really great piece. There could be a talent inside you you never knew existed.

    -Beth

    P.S. You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I'm always here for you, Que. Maybe if you talk about it and get it off your shoulders, you'll feel better. Try it.
    | Posted on 2008-09-07 00:00:00 | by crimson_panda | [ Reply to This ]
      I too see things as black or white. It does make being being friends with 'everythings a shade of grey' people. But patience and love are key when dealing with others like that.
    | Posted on 2008-09-07 00:00:00 | by The Wise Fool | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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