Colorless Sky by Peace

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Submission Name: Colorless Sky dots

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Author:	Peace_Maker
ASL Info:	18/M/NY
Elite Ratio:	1.56 - 9/22/10
Words:	63

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	136
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	438

Description:
For some reason, I don't like this one very well. It seems to vague, or misleading in a way. Like the other recent one I wrote, I was up at around two in the morning.

Colorless Sky dots

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Colorless Sky

Moving forward
But only to forget.
The path remains open,
Yet my soul leaves regret.
A sky above,
And a ground below,
What’s there even left to show?

From that of our past
Lies a trail of fear.
Clouded minds beside me,
The day shall soon clear.
A sky above,
And a ground below,
Our futures await…
So go.

Submitted on 2008-09-08 19:02:21 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  It's amazing how many people decide that they are going to move forward solely as a means of forgetting the past. Unfortunately, regrets remain. Moving forward doesn't change all of the mistakes you've made in the past, it simply makes you accept the future that those mistakes have left you. You still have a chance to change whatever future you have by making different decisions, but the past will always be there to remind you.
So it's only moving forward. Not moving on. Not letting go.

I like how you are talking about change and moving forward, and yet you still have a constant. Something that doesn't change. The sky above and the ground below. Perhaps that's a comfort in a way. At least toward the end. In the beginning, when you wanted change and the sky and ground remained constant, you asked yourself "what's there even left to show?" Just the same old same old. But toward the end the stability of sky and ground serve as a sort of leaping point. Those two are still there, they were there before, it's likely they will be there after, so just go. Move forward. Don't let fear of leaving the past and having nothing to show stop you from striving for something different, if not better.

You're absolutely right. It's vague. Perhaps misleading. Those were my thoughts on your piece though. I thought it was beautifully written. And the title is charming.

~krys
| Posted on 2008-11-14 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
  you know... it might seem a bit vague to some people but i quite get it... and i actually like it....

its a good one....

kaz
| Posted on 2008-09-11 00:00:00 | by submarine | [ Reply to This ]
  This one keeps its rhyme. At the end, you give encouragement, and before that, you describe what a lot of ppl are feeling as well.

MY interpretation, if you don't mind...

When ppl move on, they forget the past, yet still have regrets so therefore the path never closes.

Everyone fears his/her past. In every day and age there have been ppl w/ clouded minds, confused and yet everywhere you look. They're everybody and anybody. I'm not sure anyone has a definite sense of purpose.

Then you say the day will soon clear, so I interpretated that to mean that things will get better and maybe ppl will begin to have a clearer sense of purpose.

"A sky above,
And a ground below,"

You repeat this twice in the whole poem as if reminding ppl that there are things that we can always depend on to be constant.

My question is: Why do you think so many ppl hesitate to move on into the furture?

--Mojy
| Posted on 2008-09-09 00:00:00 | by mojymo | [ Reply to This ]

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