[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Open Doordots

    Author: Namlooc20
    ASL Info:    26/Male/Spokane, WA
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 359/327/107
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 653
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 611


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOpen Doordots

    Just for once,
    Once in the day
    I wish I wasn't alone
    Or the feeling at least

    All grown up,
    thrown out on the street
    don't see my parents
    thought strain is meek

    but its what I do
    what happens in the day
    sleep, eat, sleep
    wake, sit, fall

    Music is the escape
    until it is the reason
    of emotions flaring
    past memories escaping

    Now I'm back where I started
    but the cage I can escape from
    this cell is open
    but I don't wanna leave...

    Submitted on 2008-09-09 20:47:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i agree, i think you may have scribbled this up in a five minute need to get something down while you were on the toilet. NO DISS, ok? all i mean is that it could use some refining. the rhyme scheme is kinda, on and off abab then its abcb. it lacks consistency the story you're playing with is a typical issue.

    when you're put i a position where you want growth and you want freedom, you realize that freedom isn't relative to location, but rather a state of mind. freedom stems from the idea that you are not bound by any external force, and this is a set in stone philosophic fact. its in your head. its not where you're at, its what you think.

    i may be totally off though and missed your point completely.

    still STILL still, solid piece, just a bit more polish
    | Posted on 2008-09-11 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Overall, it could have been a bit more developed.

    But the idea presented here is a very good one, and one that offers us a new (or perhaps not as talked about) perspective that is associated with this topic. That can be appreciated about the piece. Normally, you would read a poem about either how hard life is alone, or how difficult life is with parents. But here you take that farther, and present this idea that in order to escape that hardship of being on your own, you're willing to go back under the wing of your parents.

    | Posted on 2008-09-11 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]