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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Open Doordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Namlooc20
    ASL Info:    26/Male/Spokane, WA
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 359/327/107
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 681
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 611



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOpen Doordots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just for once,
    Once in the day
    I wish I wasn't alone
    Or the feeling at least

    All grown up,
    thrown out on the street
    don't see my parents
    thought strain is meek

    but its what I do
    what happens in the day
    sleep, eat, sleep
    wake, sit, fall

    Music is the escape
    until it is the reason
    of emotions flaring
    past memories escaping

    Now I'm back where I started
    but the cage I can escape from
    this cell is open
    but I don't wanna leave...




    Submitted on 2008-09-09 20:47:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i agree, i think you may have scribbled this up in a five minute need to get something down while you were on the toilet. NO DISS, ok? all i mean is that it could use some refining. the rhyme scheme is kinda, on and off abab then its abcb. it lacks consistency the story you're playing with is a typical issue.

    when you're put i a position where you want growth and you want freedom, you realize that freedom isn't relative to location, but rather a state of mind. freedom stems from the idea that you are not bound by any external force, and this is a set in stone philosophic fact. its in your head. its not where you're at, its what you think.

    i may be totally off though and missed your point completely.

    still STILL still, solid piece, just a bit more polish
    | Posted on 2008-09-11 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Overall, it could have been a bit more developed.

    But the idea presented here is a very good one, and one that offers us a new (or perhaps not as talked about) perspective that is associated with this topic. That can be appreciated about the piece. Normally, you would read a poem about either how hard life is alone, or how difficult life is with parents. But here you take that farther, and present this idea that in order to escape that hardship of being on your own, you're willing to go back under the wing of your parents.

    | Posted on 2008-09-11 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]


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