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    dots Submission Name: This is for usdots

    Author: NickHawthorne
    ASL Info:    17/Q/GTA
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1/0/2
    Words: 487
    Class/Type: Story/Love
    Total Views: 533
    Average Vote:    2.5000
    Bytes: 2634

       Something I wrote, over a month or so, three sentences at a time. I finished it a couple of months ago.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis is for usdots

    This is for us.

    Itís by no means a plea for reassurance, a sigh of contentment, a whisper of self-indulgence. These are selfish instances, mere echoes of what we deeply feel. This isnít for you, because if it was, what would that make me? A giving person. And Iím not giving. I donít give. I feel.

    This is for us, those of us who walk in a daze, realizing the extent of what we feel for another. This is not about love, but about infatuation, about wondering what a person would look like cuddled at your side, hugging your ribs while a movie is on in the background. About how a person would sound in an intimate conversation.

    This is not about lust, either. This is about a minor thing, about something that isnít love and isnít lust, but in the middle ground where sure, youíd go far with them, but only if they wanted it. This is us realizing that the otherís perks, the otherís funny little glances and the way they say things club us over the head with how much we care, and want them for ourselves.

    This is for us.

    That sting of jealousy when we hear them kiss, that chink in the armor when they make a friend notion towards us, and all the rest of the bullets we take to our pride. Because we wonít break them up. Weíre too kind for that. Instead, we tell ourselves that we are content by watching from the sidelines, even though we lie to ourselves.

    This isnít for you, this is for me. This is for us. Those of us who know, in their heart, that they want to try it out with you. But, in the end, we donít, do we? We just sit there. And it doesnít shatter us, it doesnít inflict heavy wounds on our spirit, and it doesnít depress us. Because there will always be another you, another us. And maybe, maybe, one day in the future the roles will be reversed. We will become you, you will become us. And then, youíll be writing this. Youíll be insisting that this isnít for us.

    I guess, in a way, that this is for you. But I wonít admit that to myself. We wonít admit that to ourselves, because in our head, weíre imagining a world where we can remain unattached and platonic. We want to run, but we donít. Our biggest fear: That you would learn our feelings and separate. At the same time, we want you to know, we want you to acknowledge us and you.

    This is for us.

    And then, when you learn, you simply deny it, and we are grateful. Grateful that you not only acknowledged our feelings, you kindly dismissed them, because in the end, us and you wouldnít be a good couple, right? RightÖ?

    Submitted on 2008-09-09 23:14:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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