Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: DayDreams (Ft. TheStillSilence)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 562
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1256



    Description:
       Me and TSS back.... yay!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDayDreams (Ft. TheStillSilence)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    AeThe Lost Poet)

    She's my muse--
    Oops I mean my favorite....
    Who'd expect the blessed again
    To ever mean the greatest,
    Face it, she's lucid--
    and I am shady,
    She's the type of lady,
    that drive men crazy,
    and lately,
    I've been having late nights
    Spaced out in place,
    like i'm in stage fright,
    it ain't right, is it?
    Ah... no....
    Got me giving charity,
    Like i'm Bono,

    Losing my clarity,
    Yes, I'm in very deep,
    With the most sincerity,
    Yes, I'm in very deep.

    (TheStillSilence)

    And so she dances on my lips
    With eyelids close; I grab her hips
    And on we go;
    Into the wind
    That chases dreams but calls us sin.

    The beat she keeps,
    But with blistered feet.
    A tempting dance, and bigger feat: as winds take hold of me;
    I sway into
    Storms and temptations.
    Her melody shines and breaks me through,
    She coos: "tired souls have revelations."
    And on we go into seas of blue.

    And we're both in very deep.




    Submitted on 2008-09-10 11:58:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      First part and second part don't mix that well.
    The first one does sound like a guy daydreaming to himself about this girl he likes.
    The second part eluded to something much more intimate, and, it dosen't feel like they connect very well which distracted a little from maybe your entire point.
    You know?
    Are they supposed to?
    Or are they the same 'idea' represented differantly?
    I'm curious now...
    | Posted on 2008-09-15 00:00:00 | by Mieko | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    165527

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Dream written by closetpoet
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry