Description: Sorry for all the bad spelling, i know that i am a really bad speller, never was able to learn, I try and try, but i am a better speller than before, I used to not know how to spelll Anything! Please feel free to comment on whatever you wish to say, you can say it sucked,it was awsome (which i know it isn't) you can say you are offened, what ever you wish, speak your mind.
His Message -------------------------------------------
For three years now
I have cept the same phone
in my night stand
next to my bed
down in the second middle drow
Just because of one message on it
that I cannot bring my self to delete.
Some times at night
I lay there in my bed
tucked tight under my blankets
with tears streaming down
the sides of my cheeks
and I play the message
over...and over...and over again
so that I can hear the sound of
his sweet voice
so that maybe,
I can get some sleep.
And at the times that i do,
I dream of his face
and of the times
that I once had happyness in my life
I dream of the times
that he once layed here besides me
with his arms
rapped tight around me
and his warm body pressed up against mine.
i have gotten rid of all of his things.
Everything but that message.
because for three years now
I have been drowning in somthing
that I don't even know,
and the sound of his voice
in that message,
seems to be
the only thing
that keeps me from falling
above my head.
I thought that this poem was really beautifully laid out. I can relate to it really well as I too have tried to divulge my life of anything to do with a certain past love but somehow cannot bring myself to throw away one last letter from him.
There is such raw emotion. Its heartfelt and straight to the point. You convey every emotion well and allow for the reader to put themself in your place. By no means does this piece suck.
I have no critiques besides the obvious which other people have commented on and given you advice about. Continue to write from the heart for others to read. good job!
Often times I really enjoy poetry that is very simple and raw. You lack simplicity, but you have mastered conveying pure, raw emotion. I may have only read two of you pieces so far, but that much is already obvious to me. This is the kind of work that speaks to anyone one that has had trouble letting go of someone (which is almost everyone). I read your words and I know your pain, because it reminds me of my pain that is all but gone and forgotten.
One tip for you, write you stuff in Microsoft word first, then you can run spell check. Just copy and repast to whatever it is you are posting on. Not only can you use the spell check, but also if something happens to/on the site you are posting on (anyone that has blogged on MySpace knows this pain) you won’t have to start all over cause it will still be sitting on Word till you erase it. I know these things for I too am not good at spelling, and I have lost hours of work to the horriable glitches of MySpace and other sites.
no, this doesn't suck.
i respect the honesty and the details you've imparted for us here, and that terrible aching hurt you show in the actions you've taken. to get rid of their memory is a fruitless attempt but one that needs to be done to experience rebirth.
and to move on, that's the hardest part, isn't it?